5 Tips for Safe Wax Play

here are some safety tips for making the most out of your wax play experience. Follow these to enhance the pleasure while reducing the risk of injury.

1. Use a plain white candle

Many people are allergic to the perfumes and dyes in colored/scented candles. Avoid this by purchasing white unscented candles.

2. Cheap is better

More expensive candles burn at hotter temperatures. We are seeking pleasure not burns. The candles that are available at your local Dollar Store burn at a level that will cause him/her to feel it without causing injury.

3. Hold the candle about a foot away from the sub's body.

Wax cools as it falls from the candle. Holding the candle about a foot above the intended target will allow the cooling process to occur. Again, this will avoid injury to the sensitive areas.

4. Wax external areas only.

It would seem like common sense but must be mentioned. Never place wax on the eyes, mouth, nostrils, or anywhere else where it can penetrate the body. Safety is the top priority and we do not want to impede one's breathing in any way.

5. Always have water or a fire extinguisher available

Many see this as excessive but when playing, especially on a bed, there is a lot that is flammable. Take the necessary steps to ensure that something tragic does not result from a scene that goes awry.

Enjoy your BDSM experience to the fullest.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

Courtesy

There seems to be a lack of courtesy which has overtaken our culture. Everywhere I turn people are downright rude. I can only presume this is part of what goes along with the entitlement mentality. We are a culture that believes others are here to serve us and that some are "beneath" us. We witness this with anyone who is involved in the service industry. These are some of the most abused people.

The BDSM world is no different. We often talk about the M/s aspect of BDSM on this site. However, this concept applies equally, if not more, to the D/s realm. The nature of M/s establishes a certain amount of respect and courtesy for one's Master. However, this is not always reciprocated. Often, I see Masters acting like arrogant fools. They failed to remember the lessons they were taught growing up.

D/s is often a relationship without the deep commitment we find in M/s. Many times, people will only get together for a scene. Friends with benefits can come under this scenario. Once the scene ends, the commitment to each other ends.

Does this mean that common courtesy is to be ignored. Of course, there are techniques used during the scene which will negate this (erotic humiliation for example). Nevertheless, we can still apply the same courtesy and respect to this type of relationship.

Standing someone up is considered by most to be plain rude. No matter what the interaction, not showing up when you agreed to is disrespectful and shows how little one cares about others. To me, this is one of the most selfless acts. That being said, I am amazed at how many people will agree to meet on a certain day only to have that day pass without even a phone call. In my book, this is grounds for ending the relationship.

Another area that I see abused is the lack of saying "please" and "thank you". This applies to the Masters as well. These terms are always practical no matter what type of relationship you create. It is not a sign of weakness to say them to a slave. In fact, it shows your power more since you are not threatened by her. Many pretenders feel that continue degradation is the only way to control. Destroying a slave/sub's esteem is not control; that is abuse. The truly power Masters/Doms will build their ones up while maintaining his own self worth.

In the end, the BDSM world is a microcosm of society in general. Since common courtesy is something that is vanishing from our culture, it is also something that is leaving this lifestyle also. I can only hope there are a few who remain committed to some of the ideals of old.

The Best Household BDSM Implement

Many go out and spend hundreds of dollars on BDSM toys and accessories. While this is all well and good, it is a step that needn't be taken, especially in the beginning. It is best to enter into this alternative lifestyle in a manner which reflects your level of learning. Spending a boatload of money on furniture, whips, and chains when you know not how to use them is pointless.

The way I tell most couples to implement BDSM in their relationship is through the technique of spanking. This simple technique allows for one to experience the sensation of the lifestyle without going too deep. I find it best to go slower rather than fast. Spanking can also be coupled with a variety of role playing to enhance the scene.

After one get accustomed to this, I usually suggest adding to thes situation by getting a simple household spatula. This can be one of the plastic ones that is available at the local discount store. A plastic spatula will increase the amount of "sting" when the ass or upper back is struck. Some also like to have their tits beaten with this, an entry into titty torture.

Using a spatula is the most cost effective way to move to the next level in your BDSM play. The best part is that every kitchen has one. You can vary the degree of pain by strike the same area repeatedly in quick intervals. As mentioned, there is the flexibility of striking different areas. Finally, I have concentrated on a specific area long enough to draw blood. The constant striking will thin out the skin until there is nothing left.

Remember this tool the next time you want to add a bit more to your scene.

Willingness versus Ability

Many who are new to the lifestyle are concerned about their ability to serve the One they are with. This is a natural reaction since the desire to please is so great. However, I feel that ability is secondary to willingness. At least this is true initially.

Each person is different in terms of their skills, background, and experiences. It is unfair to expect someone new to the lifestyle to perform the same as one who has years of experience. This is true in all aspects of life. Some learn rather quickly while others take a little longer. The key, for me, it is to have a sub/slave progress at a rate that is proper for her.

I found that ability is not what determines one's success in serving. What is the determining factor is the willingness that one has each day. A sub/slave who is unwilling will not be successful. I often wonder why one got into the lifestyle each time I encounter someone like this.

The actions that one is expected to take can be taught. Over time, I can show a sub/slave exactly what I want done. Yet, the willingness to serve is something that I cannot provide. I believe this is a trait that is ingrained in that person which I simply help to uncover.

So, when I get with someone who is new, this is the first area that I focus my attention on. It is the willingness that seems to make the difference.

Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps are a wonderful way to enhance a sexual encounter. There are many forms that people turn to. In my previous post, I mentioned one of the simplest and least expensive; the clothespin.

The sensitivity of one's nipple varies from person-to-person. Some really love the feeling of having them "crushed" under the pressure of the clamp. Others are not so fond of this activity. It is important to experiment with your one to see where the limits fall.

If you enter any sex shop, you will find many different types of clamps available. If there is a BDSM section, the selection will be rather large. There are tweezer, Japanese clover, and forcep clamps. Not only are these available, but some have chains attached for increase pleasure. This offers the ability to lead him or her around via the clamps or connect to a collar. The choice you make will depend a great deal on your budget.

Spending a lot of money on clamps is not necessary. The clothespin offers an excellent example. You can also use hair pins or clips used on potato chip bags. These items are available at the local Dollar Store. In fact, most people have them laying around the house.

A final option is to head to your local home building center. Outside of the sex shop, this is a favorite of BDSMer. For clamps, there are a variety to choose from. If you are into extreme, alligator clamps found in the electrical section are inexpensive. One can also go for the vice clamps in the hardware section.

As you can see, there are lots of choices with nipple clamps. Whichever you choose, the idea is to stimulate the nipple so that it stands out proudly. Attach the clamp to it providing some pain for a short period of time. Once the nipple numbs up, you will be able to experiment in your play. For me, I find great pleasure in the removal of the clamps since the blood rushing back in causes a second way of pain (this is especially true with the alligator clamps).

A final note, remember not to leave the clamps on for too long. When participating in BDSM, it is critical to not cut off the blood flow to any part of the body for an extended period of time. This could result in injury.

The Most Popular Form Of BDSM

The other day I read that wax play is the most popular form of BDSM play. I do not know if I agree with this assessment completely. When I think about it, I would think that spanking and other activities of that nature would be more common. Perhaps the writer was referring to the more "hardcore" BDSM activities. Regardless, it is something that I know many enjoy.

Candle wax certainly will increase the eroticism of any scene. Many love the sensation of the hot wax hitting their skin. This is enhance if you add some ice play to cool the skin first. The contrast in temperatures is amazing.

Since we seem to be getting so many new people following this blog based upon the email I receive, I thought it best to offer some suggestions for safe wax play.

Here are a few things that can enhance the experience.

1. The choice of candle is crucial. Many want to get exotic candles to enhance the experience. They believe the perfumes in them will aid in the atmosphere. This is the exact opposite that should be done.

I find that the inexpensive candles that are available at the local Dollar Store are the best. They burn at a lower temperature than the more expensive ones which can cause burning. Also, a plain white candle is best since many are allergic to the dyes in the colored ones.

2. The candle should be held at least a foot above the one that you are working on. This will allow the drippings to cool somewhat on the way down. Anything closer than a foot could cause burning.

3. If there is hair anywhere on the body, it is best to rub that area down with baby oil. This enable you to easily pull the wax off without taking the hair with it.

4. This seems obvious but avoid all contact with the eyes. It is dumb that I have to state that but people are amazing how they can overlook the obvious.

5. Do not go for the genitals or tits immediately. Start with the locations that arent as sensitive like the arms, legs, or stomach. People react differently and focusing on these areas first will allow you to guage the other's reaction. If all goes well there, then you can go for the genitals.

6. Use a safe word. If it gets to bad for him or her, that person has the right to stop the scene. Give the option of telling you that it is too much. A safe word is the easiest method to do this.

7. Have fun. Experiment and play to determine what works best for you.

Knowing Your Place

Many to relish the idea of submission. It is an ideal fantasy. I see this commonly among those who are being trained online. While I like the benefits of the Internet and what it does for our lifestyle, it also has led many to believe that is reality. Real world is substantially different than online. Anyone who lived as a sub for even a few days realizes this.

A sub's answer is "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Ma'am". The BDSM world is one that centers around an exchange of power. In the Master/slave, it is a total exchange. At the same time, the D/s relationship has a complete exchange of power in those areas that are agreed upon. Regardless of the makeup, this premise is the focal point of the relationship. In fact, it is what separates it from traditional relationships.

It is common for a sub to forget his/her place. Societal training leads us to the point where we are taught to be self sufficient and that we have a say. A sub cedes this in BDSM. It is not his or her place to say anything. The Dom/Master is the one in control. It is the responsibility of a sub to obey.

This situation always brings up the point of hard limits. Do they really exist and, if so, what are they? Obviously, there needs to be some limits which are non-negotiable. Anything that involves children is naturally off limits. The same goes for abuse. While many subs enjoy pain, there is no need to beat him or her to the point of needing medical attention. This is a limit that One should not get to. These are a couple of examples of hard limits.

Notice that each of those limits is basically a societal/human decency item. We do not promote the use of violence or death. This is in line with what society believes. However, to me, that is the extent of hard limits. A sub, once submitted, agrees to follow the dictates of the Dom/Master. This is non-negotiable. "No" is not in the vocabulary. It is really disappointing when a sub believes that he/she has a say in what transpires. Too many believe they still have the right to say "No".

I will acknowledge that this lifestyle is completely voluntary. Nobody can be forced into it (society disagrees with that also). However, once someone agrees to the premise of our life, it is time to adhere to the proper protocol. This is determined by the ground rules established by the One in charge. To do anything different strikes at the foundation of what this life is all about.

My feeling is that if you want to retain control, stay in the traditional arena. Many are attracted to some aspect of the BDSM world while not really belonging. Again, it is more of a fantasy to them. Sadly, misinformation is often one of the main culprits. They are mislead into believing that BDSM is a life where all is merry. Life is still life. This is something that nobody can avoid. Adding the pressure of keeping a Dom/Master happy often becomes too much. The fantasy quickly turns into a nightmare. Consider this before delving into it. Many will expect you to know your place.

The BDSM Scene

The "scene" is the most basic component in the BDSM lifestyle. We often talk about the lifestyle and all the different facets to it. However, when we break it all down, the scene is what really inspires us. This is what the general public often pictures when they think of the BDSM world.

I take great pain to help people enter this way of life with an open set of eyes. It is easy to be led astray with all the misinformation that is out there. The Internet is full of ideas that lead to pain and hurt. That being said, it is also healthy to mention what many consider the most exciting part of BDSM.

The scene is the interaction between two or more people. Typically, it occurs between a Dom and sub. The "dungeon" scene is the most famous image that is promoted. It is a visual that really shows the separation between the One in control and the one who submitted. The fact that the dungeon scene also has an element that is raw to it makes it exciting for many.

People who are in BDSM really can allow their natural traits to emerge during the scene. To me, it is the most basic way to show my dominance. At the same time, subs mentioned it is where they really experience being controlled by another. There is something about being able to do anything physically or sexually to another that stimulates these juices within us. Of course, safety remains a standard concern at all times (you didn't think I would skip over that, did you?).

The scene can occur within the bounds of a relationship or can be the basis for getting together. Often, a scene will develop at a party where there is a room set up with all the accessories. It is not uncommon to see a Dominatrix working on a sub she just met. Depending upon the "accessories" available, this can be a time when fantasies are fulfilled. Many like to be tied to benches, crosses, or other types of BDSM furniture. A variety of other accessories are used such as floggers, whips, paddles, and dildos. The scene might include sex but not always. It is up to the participants to decide what they want (ahead of time). Depending on the knowledge the two have of each other, there are rules agreed to including the use of safe words.

The scene is designed for one thing: pure pleasure. Both parties really can fulfill their basic dominating or submissive nature. It is the time where all inhibitions are cast aside. Remember safety but then, after that, seek out maximum pleasure.

Rope Tying

My entry into the BDSM world exposed one glaring aspect of my upbringing-the fact that I was never a boyscout. Growing up, this is something that I never partook in. However, I see many who are in the BDSM lifestyle who are better served for being involved in this organization. Those individuals seem to excel at knot tying, a crucial aspect of the BDSM scene.

I will admit to you that I am terrible at tying knots. This is something that I never was able to master. I can tie a double and, perhaps, a slip knot. That is the extent of my expertise. Thankfully, cuffs can serve the same purpose in most situations.

For those who are frequent readers of this blog, you already know how safety is one of the most vital aspects of our way of life. Everything needs to take a backseat to this concept. When dealing with rope, one needs to take all precautions to prevent injury to a sub. Remember, that person is putting his or her trust in You.

Those who were in the Boy Scouts are adept at playing with rope. So, too, are those who sail. However, for the rest of us, understanding the basic of how to safely utilize rope is crucial. Circulation is crucial to avoiding injury to another. For this reason, an understanding of the circulatory system is also helpful. I would recommend reading some basic medical texts to get an idea of the different pressure points in the body (and you thought you were just going to get your kink on). A rope that cuts of one's circulation can cause permanent nerve damage.

The BDSM scene is something that is enjoyable for both parties. However, approaching it in a safe manner is something that all need to consider.

Looking Past The Sex

Many are attracted to the lifestyle initially because of the sexual aspect. Some submissives crave being taken and used sexually. Simultaneously, many Masters love the idea of having one at His complete disposal. To have someone obey His every sexual whim is something that is appealing to a Master. However, anyone who is involved in this for any length of time will know there is a great deal more to the lifestyle than that.

I meet many who claim to have the desire of being a 24/7 slave. The tendency is for them to focus on the sexual aspect. They love the idea of being "taken" at any time while used as a complete pleasure toy. Serving their Master for His pleasure is their goal. However, many fail to visualize past the sex part.

What does being a 24/7 entail? Sexual submission is certainly part of it. However, there are many more aspects which one should consider. While many will talk about pleasure versus domestic slaves, in reality, they tend to be one in the same. Some will take sex slaves periodically. Yet, this is usually not under the 24/7 category. A slave is used however a Master chooses. There are times where He seeks pleasure while wanting His domestic affairs attended to.

When one is looking at the 24/7 lifestyle, one must consider what it is like to be a domestic slave. A slave's time is spent more on satisfying her Master in that area than is spent in sexual activities. Are you one who desires to spend your evenings after work cooking, cleaning, and other tedious tasks. Those with the "homemaking" mentality will not have a problem with this. Some who have a more wild spirit might resist this change.

Another thing to consider is doing without your Master's attention. Many fail to understand that once one submits, she is without any rights. Ponder how big a statement that is. If a Master elects to focus His attention on other areas of His life, that is how it will be. Can you accept waiting at home for Him while He is out? Are you one who cannot live without the constant contact of your Master? This might be a real possibility.

I write this without the intention of trying to dissuade anyone from entering the M/s world. Yet I feel it necessary that one goes into this with a full awareness of what life could be like. The polyanna attitude will only work for so long. Ensuring that a M/s relationship survives requires effort, work, and realistic expectations. Knowing oneself while understand how you will react in certain situations helps to prepare one for what occurs.

Implementing BDSM into a Relationship

You were reading this blog for the last few months and have decided this is something that you are interested in trying. How do you go about getting involved? What do you do to entice your partner into trying this also?

To begin, it is important to know what it is that attracted you. Honest self-appraisal is the first step in your journey. Are you submissive? Dominant? What limits do you see yourself having? Is this something that you might want to make as a full-time lifestyle or do you like the idea of being in a scene? The answers to these questions will help to guide you.

For those in relationships, communication is the key. Bringing this up to your partner might encounter some resistance. As we mentioned numerous times, there is a lot of prejudice and misconception out there. It is likely your significant other harbors many of these same ideas. So expressing to him or her why you want to do this is important.

The best way is to start slow. It is not suggested that you go out and replace your entire wardrobe with leather. Nor do you want to create a dungeon in your home; at least not initially. Look for ways to implement BDSM into your daily life. You might want to talk to your partner about adding a bit of bondage or impact play into your next sexual encounter. If you want to start outside the bedroom, have the dominant One begin to lay down some ground rules. Use terms like Sir or Madam in situations where you are alone. Perhaps you might like to adopt a subservient position by sitting at his or her feet while watching television. All of these things create a shift in power. Turning one's power over to a Dom is a fundamental step in the BDSM community.

Education is a powerful tool. Even as you are starting to do some of these things, continue to read and grow. Check back to this forum or my alternate one (click here) each day for new information. It is often helpful to sign up for forum to interact with others already living this way of life. There are many free ones available; you just need to register to be able to post (click here for mine). This will allow you to post questions that you might have. Finally, have fun with it. Resist the temptation to put too much pressure on yourself. This is a fun way to live. Life is tough enough on its' own. There is no need to add to the stress level. Enjoy yourself.

Control=Responsibility

Many like the idea of owning someone 24/7. This is a concept that gets the imagination stirring. The first place people tend to jump is into the sexual arena. They love the idea of being able to take one sexually whenever, wherever, and however He or She sees fit. Also, it is almost equally appealing to consider what it is like to have one wait on you however you determine.

What many fail to consider is the responsibility that goes along with being in this position. Control equates to a lot of responsibility. The one in control needs to be responsible for all that occurs. A sub/slave cannot assume responsibility for the direction of what occurs if he/she submits fully. This is a part of the submission process. The exchange of power is complete.

Safety is the first thing that comes to my mind when thinking about the BDSM relationship. This applies regardless of what type of relationship it is. The one in control is responsible for ensuring the safety of His/Her sub. This really becomes important when the relationship is relegated only to a scene. The Dom/Domme is the One who makes sure the sub is safe, both physically and mentally.

A 24/7 relationship carries a host of other responsibilities that most overlook. While many can work, it ultimately is the Dom/Master who needs to provide for His/Her one. This includes providing the guidance required to move the relationship forward. Leadership is one of the qualities which a person in this position needs. One looks to maximize the capabilities of His/Her sub. Being able to size up the potential of one is another important factor. What is he/she best suited to do? This is a question many fail to look at.

There are times when being a Dom/Master is extremely difficult. Many seem to go into the relationship not knowing what to expect. I must tell you that the BDSM relationship is not a bowl of cherries. There are many issues One needs to deal with. For both a Dom and sub, there is a reality which differs greatly from the fantasy portrayed online. It is best to learn the facts before accepting another's submission. Being in control means being responsible.

BDSM is FUN

This is a point that many miss; especially newer people who are concerned with doing everything the correct way. We often use the term "lifestyle" when describing this way of life. That is because for many of us, it is just that. However, as I mention repeatedly, the BDSM world is wide and varied. Many choose to only partake in certain aspects of it. How one implements this in his or her life is a personal matter.

Society has a way of wanting to remove the fun out of sex. I will not engage in that debate here. Nevertheless, certain sectors of our culture want to trivialize the sexual experience. At the same time, these same people use terms to belittle those who live in a different manner. People are often called queer, perverted, sick, etc... The "moralists" believe they know how people should behave.

Fortunately, those of us who chose this as a way of life care little what those people think. This is part of the freedom that it offers. It seems that while we are happy to engage in bondage, we do so less than society in general. BDSM is the breaking free from the bondage of limiting ideas. Your sex life is suppose to be fun. It is something for you to enjoy to the fullest. If something interests you, while not hurting another person, why shouldn't you be allowed to participate. That is what we strive for with BDSM. It is a voluntary way of life.

So here is my suggestion: relax. Being new to something is never easy. Yet, we were all new to BDSM at some point. The experience holds freedom and excitement if you are willing to participate. For me, it starts with the understanding that you are here to enjoy yourself. BDSM is fun. Always remember that.

Erotic Humiliation For Pleasure

This is something that we discussed a few times on this blog. It is one of the main components of many BDSM relationships. The majority of interactions, whether it is a single scene or a long term relationship, has this as a part of the play. It is a wonderful way to create the hierarchy that is necessary in any BDSM interaction.

Erotic humiliation is the act of verbally or physically embarrassing another. It is a technique that many Doms/Masters utilize for added pleasure. This is also something that I found many subs enjoy. As mentioned, it is a way that the Dom/Master asserts more control.

Calling one names that are degrading is something that is not condoned within our society. People are taught from a young age to not let others treat them in this manner. That all changes within the BDSM community. There are many who enjoy the degrading treatment which comes from a Dom/Master. To them, it can be a badge of honor.

Submission is something that most cannot understand. Many who look at our way of life from the outside cannot understand how one can give his or her power to another. Of course, anyone who submitted understands completely. Along those lines, many subs enjoy being called terms which are considered degrading by those on the outside. It is added stimulation for both partners. Personally, I like the feeling of control which comes from calling one such "taboo" terms. I imagine the subs feel the same way from the opposite perspective.

As you know by now, I am big on safety. The mental makeup of a sub is very important before engaging in this form of play. If one is not stable mentally, it is best to avoid this entirely. The line between play and degradation will get blurred if she is not of sound mind. This is something reserved only for those who can handle it.

Adding Some Kink

The "kinkiness" of the BDSM lifestyle is one of the things that appeals most to me. I love the versatility that this way of life offers. There are so many that I encounter who's sex lives are boring. For whatever reason, they will not stray from what they know.

To me, sex is suppose to be fun and exciting. The experimental aspect of it is one of the factors which make it so. I love to try new things. At the same time, I really enjoy helping others discover what BDSM can offer them. There are so many different facets which will liven up anyone's sex life.

So, where do you begin? I would say that learning a bit about the different areas is a good starting point. Look back over your fantasies to see what it is that you like. What have you always wanted to try? Perhaps you like the idea of being tied up. Or, maybe a good spanking is to your liking? Does the idea of domination or submission appeal to you? Where can you see "puppy" play fitting into your sex life? These are some of the things that will enhance what you enjoy with your partner.

Do not feel the need to go to the extreme end of the lifestyle immediately. Many feel that they need to be "leather" within a week of being introduced to this way of life. Nothing could be further from the truth. BDSM offers the opportunity for anyone to create a life that is appropriate for him or her. What others do is irrelevant. The important factor is what you enjoy and the level that you feel comfortable with.

Begin by experimenting with different things. Go online and read about different factors of the BDSM way of life. Start by implementing what interests you. Of course, communicate all your desires to your partner. Communication is one of the most critical components when trying new things. Make sure that both of you are on the same page. Safety is always at the top of our list. And most of all, have fun.

Reality versus Fantasy

There is so much confusion regarding the BDSM world. Many believe that what they see in videos and pictures on the net is reality. Sadly, it is not. The truth is that people who are involved in BDSM are more "normal" than people are usually led to believe. A day in the life of a Master/Dom and slave/sub is not as exotic as some would think.

Life happens to all of us. There are bills to be paid, kids to be tended to, and responsibilities to be met. Choosing this lifestyle, even for an author in it such as myself, does not mean that I can turn my back on the other areas of life. This is true for many of us in the lifestyle. Certainly, there are some who are in a position to partake in this full time. However, I would say they are the minority.

The pictures on the Internet make it seem so simple: the idea of being in complete bondage while being whipped or suspended is intoxicating. Once again, this is not quite reality. First, often those in the pictures are professional actors. There is a cast of people who are experienced in creating a safe environment for the scene to occur. Also, most do not have the financial resources for all the accessories used in those images. To fully stock a "dungeon" easily runs into many thousands of dollars. This is something that is normally outside one's capability. Finally, if you thought hiding your "toys" from the children is tough, try hiding an entire room. Once again, if kids are around, they tend to be those life issues which can arise.

So how do we approach this in a realistic manner? It starts with understanding that what is "romanced" about in stories and pictures on the web is most likely an exaggeration of reality. It is similar to how a love affair is portrayed in the movies. Who the heck ever lives happily ever after without conflict? I can't even go a week without arguing with myself, let alone someone else. The same is true in our lifestyle. It is not accurately portrayed by those who put forth the imagery.

Unrealistic Expectations

Of late we have referred to some of the expectations that people have when entering a M/s relationship. It seems that many believe this type of relationship is the solution to all their problems. It is common to find a new person who is truly submissive (or dominant) take to this lifestyle immediately. Years of failure in traditional relationships left them with a void. Finding the M/s way of life is like a homecoming to them. They realize where they belong.

However, as we have mentioned on a number of occasions, life does happen. All that others need to deal with arise in our lives. While the M/s foundation affects all areas of our existence, it is not the only area where we operate in. Everyday responsibilities must be attended to. Failure to acknowledge this is setting oneself up for disappointment.

A great deal of what we experience in any situation is directly tied to the expectations we have entering it. What are your expectations with your M/s relationship? Do you believe this is the solution to all your problems? If so, you might want to reconsider that idea. The same problems that one enters into this lifestyle with will still be prevalent after submitting. Life issues continue to exist. This cannot be stressed enough.

Having someone else involved in your life can help you to overcome certain difficulties. By submitting, many of the decisions are taken away from you. This can be a blessing if one is bad at making decisions. Financial circumstances can change since there is someone else helping with the bills. However, just because one submitted does not necessarily mean that all problems go away. To expect this is completely out of touch with reality.

To have a successful M/s relationship, and to avoid future disappointment, it is necessary to enter with a realistic idea of what will happen. This lifestyle does not solve all of one’s problems. It is a way of living which allows us to be true to our nature. We develop a manner of interacting with another which is based in a methodology which works for us. It is understood that the person we are dealing with is human and will make mistakes. We resist the temptation to put him or her on a pedestal.

A M/s relationship can be one of the most fulfilling interactions one ever had. To be successful at it, there is a lot of effort required by both parties. Remember this when you suddenly realize that this lifestyle did not magically solve all your problems. In fact, different problems will arise because you entered this relationship. Accepting that as the reality will better prepare one to handle the unenviable situations when they arise.

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Your Body Your Voice

Here is a story which was submitted by one of our readers. We decided to print it for your enjoyment.

Laying on top of the bed clothes… my body naked .. ripe… eager.. I am waiting.. just laying there,.. not touching myself.. not moving… my eyes closed as I listen to the sweet hypnotic tones of Your voice

Feel My breathe, warm on your body, feel it caress your skin as I move over you, slide above you, not touching but you know I am there, you can feel My presence as I glide My body close to yours, never touching you, never even a glancing brush against you.

Feel My lips My sweet one, feel them brush yours as I lean my head to touch your luscious lips, feel them touch you, feel them taste you as I deepen My kiss, open your mouth for Me, let me taste your sweet nectar as My tongue teases you, let Me drink from your mouth My love, taking your breath as I deepen My kiss.
Can you feel Me? Can you feel My body over yours, can you feel the heat from Me engulfing you as I move above you? I want your cum , I want you to cum for Me, I want your juices to flow when I command, I want you to beg Me for release, beg Me to please you, beg Me to grant your deepest wish, and this I will have.

My body aching as I listen to You, hearing Your words, moving slightly on the bed I feel my pussy weeping for You, the desire in me so strong, the need to touch so great, my fingers unbidden move to my wet, throbbing pussy, a brief passing touch as I gasp aloud.

NO….. YOU WILL NOT TOUCH….. LISTEN TO ME…. LAY STILL AND SILENT MY ONE AND LISTEN ONLY TO MY VOICE….
Hand moving to my side as I sigh, knowing that to touch is forbidden, wriggling on the bed more as I try to find comfort, the ache in me so strong, the need so great,

Open your legs for Me, open them wide, let Me come between them , let Me touch you with My tongue, let Me lick you, let Me taste your essence, let Me kiss your sweet clit and nibble on it, let me take it in My mouth and suck on it, feel Me take you in My mouth, feel Me cover you with My warm wet mouth as My tongue teases your hard nub, moan for Me, let Me know you feel Me pleasing you, feel Me making your body want more.

My hips lifting as I hear Your voice, my pussy throbbing for You, Your touch running over me, my eyes closed tight as Your voice invades my head, Your thoughts mine, Your desires mine, Your touch on my body so real, so gentle, so firm, my gasp the only sound as I feel Your mouth closing on me.

Feel My fingers stroking you, feel Them touching you, feel Them invading you as I slide them deep in you, curling Them as I move Them, My fingers moving inside you, slowly at first, them faster, deeper, lift your hips for Me, open wide for Me, grind for Me, beg Me to give you what you want, what you need.

My hips moving up, my legs opening wider, my desire clear on my face as You whisper to me, your voice so clear and strong in my head, so close, so strong in my thoughts as You talk, my body responding to just Your words, Your power of suggestion. The bed dipping as You settle by my head, leaning over me, talking all the while as I writhe on the bed, Your voice hypnotic, Your suggestions clear, Your words opening my mind to Your suggestions, Your movements, not touching me but in my head You are, in my head I feel Your fingers moving in me, in my head I feel Your mouth on me, I feel You.

Feel My mouth close on your hard nipples, feel Me biting softly on them, feel Me suck on them, feel Me close tight on them as I pull them from your body, feel My mouth and my tongue running over them as My fingers bring you closer and closer to release, move your hips, lift for Me, push against My hand, take My fingers deeper inside you, take My mouth harder on you as you arch your back for Me, needing My touch, needing My body to give you pleasure.

My head spinning as Your words echo in my ears, my body a mass of nerve endings as I writhe on the bed, unable to stop myself as You talk so softly to me, whispers caressing me as You tell me to listen to You, only You, always You.. stretching my arms above my head.. my back arching as I feel Your fingers. Tongue, breath, body covering me.. Touching but not touching, but pleasing, always pleasing. My moans growing in my throat as I beg, needing release, wanting release, begging You for the ultimate release.

Feel My mouth kissing you, feel My weight pressing you to the bed, feel Me moving My fingers deeper, faster, feel your pussy throbbing on My hand, feel My thumb on your clit, rubbing it, teasing it, pleasing it as I bring you to orgasm, can you feel it, can you taste Me on your lips, do you want Me to let you cum for Me, only Me, always Me?

My head moving side to side on my pillow, my breathe coming in gasps as I squeeze my eyes tight shut, the stars behind my lips dancing in time to the throbbing, pulsing of my body, hips lifting and lowering, my body not mine, my body Yours as I feel my orgasm, ohhh god, my orgasm, single tear escaping as I try to hold it back, shaking as I feel the power of my orgasm build, not sure if I can stop it, not wanting to stop it, need to release it, opening my mouth I scream ‘ Oohhhhh god please Sir,, oohh please I beg You, please please please ‘

‘CUM FOR ME NOW ‘You command.. ‘GIVE IT TO ME….. NOWWWWWW’

Body going into spasms as I cum hard,, stars shooting behind my lids as I feel the power of my orgasm running through me. Taking my body… invading my senses as I buck on the bed,, juices flowing as I pulse, throb, ache. The power, the feeling, the naked desire clear as I move on the bed, hands balling into fists as I ride it out, letting it take me, control me, giving in to it as I feel my ears flow down my face. What seems like years pass, my body calms, my breathing steadies as I finally open my eyes, turning my head I look at You, Your smile So Bright. So Strong. So Wonderful

Leaning close to me, Your lips brush against mine … ‘ Good Girl ‘ You whisper

Ego Deflation

There is lots written about the deflating of the ego within a sub/slave. It is common practice to focus upon her gaining the humility to properly serve her Dom/Master. However, one area that is often overlooked is the ego of the Dom/Master. Few speak of the importance of Him being humble in His approach to this lifestyle.

We have all seen the egoism taken to the extreme in the pretenders. They come around looking to dominate another without any clue about what this lifestyle is all about. The first thing they like to do is to tell how great they are. It seems that the opinions of others matters little to them. Their quest is to use and abuse. That is it.

At the same time, we see similar behavior from some Doms/Masters. These are the Ones who cannot be told anything. They feel that since they are the One in control, that they are always right. It is easy to spot these individuals: they are the Ones who allow no input from the sub/slave whatsoever. Her ideas are totally dismissed because of her position. That is a sign of One who’s ego is in full flight. Simply, He is out of control.

There is not a person walking this planet who is perfect. Also, no individual is right all the time. It is impossible to know everything there is to know about a particular subject; including this lifestyle. There is always something to learn. One who listens to others shows the humility necessary to improve Oneself. Therefore, ego deflation is vital to growth. Anyone who thinks that He knows has all the answers is just as dangerous as the pretender. There is an old saying: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

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The Types Of subs/slaves

Here are the different types of slaves as seen through the eyes of a slave akittenone. This is from her blog.

The Window Shopping Slave/Sub

Likes the look of it but not sure if she really wants to buy into it, will try it on a few times but still remain undecided

The Part Time Slave/Sub

A common type of slave/sub, they like the idea, they even enjoy the excitement rush but when its over, they go back to their normal lives and mark this up to a fun time, most of the time these are found online with no real time experience

The ‘I can change You’ Slave/sub

These are ones who believe that this life is one that You are only in because You have not met her yet, the white picket fence type, who really believe that You will change Your life to be with her only, a vanilla type with a few kinks,, which will no doubt be tamed over time and You will end up a married person with lights off and flannel nightgowns when in bed .

The online Slave/Sub

This is a dangerous one, she will agree to anything, no matter how ridiculous as she knows its only for 10 minutes, when He is gone she lights a cigarette and paints nails, ignoring all she has been told to do, when next online she will tell Him she has done all she has been told to do

The No Limit Slave/Sub

There is actually no such thing as a no limit slave/sub,, if they say they are then they are either delusional or not been with a Master with imagination

The Perfect Slave/Sub

This is one who tells her Master/Dom what ever He wants to hear, no matter her true feelings, she pretends to Him that she is a perfect person and no matter what He says she is in total agreement with ,, she tends to tell her Master/Dom one thing then complain to others about what He has said

The Pretend Slave/Sub

This is a good one, she is what ever a Master/Dom desires,, she has no limits and she will do the most ridiculous task given, this type is to be found mainly online as in reality she is instant messaging with 6 other people while doing tasks set by her Master/Dom

The Book Slave/Sub

This is on who has read every book she could find, searched every web site going, lots of knowledge but no practical experience, she can talk the talk but has yet to walk the walk , but to hear her talk she is a mine of information and knows everything on how it SHOULD be

The Judas Slave/Sub

This can be a dangerous one, she pretends to be friends with you only to then cause trouble within a relationship, she is an innocent party in all trouble that then takes place, acting as if she has no knowledge of what has been going on

The Selfish Slave/Sub

This is one who loves to interrupt when she knows her Master is with another person, she interrupts and makes her presence known, not one to take a back seat in any decisions, she loves to be the focus at all times

The Ageless Slave/Sub

This is one who in her profile is 18 but on her birth certificate is 55,, enough said ,, again mainly an online slave/sub

The Real Time Slave/Sub

This is a slave/sub who is actually now or has been a real slave/sub, they know the way things are and respect the lifestyle we live