Commitment

This is something that people often talk about but rarely think about in great detail. I found that success in any endeavor, regardless of the aspect of life chosen, is directly related to the commitment one is willing to make. Many say they are committed yet their actions say otherwise. However, those who approach situations with the commitment of success are apt to achieve just that.

Starts In The Mind

Commitment is a mental exercise. It is the decision that tells oneself that 'I am going to succeed no matter what'. In essence this means taking whatever action is required to achieve the results that one (or a couple) is seeking. Again, you will find that few ever approach this level in any of their affairs.

Most people are excuse makers. They prefer to take the route where they justify not succeeding. It has become the national pastime. In fact, it got so bad that many have excuses ready to use before any action is even taken. People are so accustomed to not succeeding that they prepare built-in excuses to explain the failure.

All Applies To BDSM

Why do I bring this point up? The simple answer is because it is a factual statement that applies equally to BDSM as it does to all other aspects of life. If one is truly going to find success, happiness, and fulfillment in the BDSM world, I believe one must commit to that end. Too many people we encounter approach this life like they do when trying on a new pair of shoes. They believe they will 'test the waters' to see how things work. Based upon my experience, people can save a great deal of time since this outlook rarely leads to success.

In my book, An Owned Life, I mentioned in the submission process that one needs to commit to this life before deciding upon a Master/Dom (I was referring to the submissive types in the book but it is applicable to the Dominants also). As mentioned, this means having the willingness to achieve success no matter what the cost. Anything less than that mindset will most likely lead to failure.

Are you willing to take the time to read and learn about this way of life? Will you engage in the internal search to determine what you are seeking and what aspects of the life are suited for you? Can you transition from the traditional model to one that is radically different from what you know? Do you have the strength to live life as you see it understanding that many will be non-supporting of your decision? Stepping into the BDSM world often means leaving a great deal of what you knew. It is not something that can be taken lightly in many instances.

Stepping Out On A Belief

Those who look at this life obviously are doing so because there is something missing in his/her present life. Of course, I am referring to those individuals who are seeking to make a drastic change in life (those who are just looking to add some play to their relationship are in a different category). Without the knowledge or experience that comes with being involved in things for a while, one is required to step out solely on belief. Over time, that belief will become reaffirmed through experience. But in the beginning, there isnt much more to go on.

This is why it is crucial to be committed to this belief. As you research and do the internal searches, you will find what fits for you or not. Many find this is not their cup of tea while exiting quickly. Other start pursuing further eventually involving him or herself with another. Again, we are hoping the belief that this is the path to happiness is reinforced. At this point, the success or failure of the relationship is dependent upon one's commitment to it. Those who take it lightly usually end up with nothing in the end. It is only those who realize this is something to put immense effort into who achieve long term success. The mindset of 'I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work' shows commitment.

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Being True

"To thy own self be true"

This is one of Shakespeare's most famous line. It is echoed in many corners of society by anyone who is willing to indulged in personal development. This is also something that I feel is really important if one is to be happy in the BDSM way of life.

One who enters BDSM must do so for the right reasons. At the same time, I feel it extremely crucial that one commit to the lifestyle before getting involved with any one person. The reason for this is because many will exit the lifestyle when the relationship with a particular individual goes bad. This is same as abandoning heterosexuality simply because a marriage ends. Simply because a particular relationship fails to work out does not mean that one is not cut out for this way of life.

Even today, I still find myself in situations where the temptation to be swayed is great. This is where knowing myself and the path that I have chosen comes in. When I am true to myself, I am able to make those decisions that are right for me. Difficult decisions are never easy but they do avoid many headaches down the road. This is especially true where emotions are involved.

BDSM is a multi-faceted lifestyle. One needs to understand what it is that he or she is interested in. Just because someone decides that domination or submission is for them, that does not mean that person knows where he or she is best suited. This takes time and searching. Those who fail to do this end up frustrated and hurt. In the end, their impatience and unwillingness to do the personal work caused the results.

Being true to yourself involved committing to the lifestyle while determining what is best for you. There is a great temptation to live as something we are not. Some of suited to be slaves; others Doms; and others switches. Regardless, it is up to each of us to find exactly what works best for us.

The bottom line is always the personal happiness of an individual. Trying to mold yourself into something that you are not will never work. Some are interested in BDSM only to find out they are better suited for the traditional arena. At the same time, many of us found that we were not cut out for the vanilla world and BDSM is better for us. Knowing oneself is imperative to reach these conclusions.

My experience is that no matter how long one or committed one is to the lifestyle, there will always be forces that will try to draw us away. I have personally experienced this a number of times. There might be family who wants us to lead a different life. Or it might be that person we meet who has an interest in us. Or, perhaps we are swayed by something we read stimulates the romanticizing in our minds. Whatever the reason, we need to determine what our truth is. Only then can we make a decision that is consistent with ourselves.

Sometimes we are confronted with the idea of having to be committed to this "come hell or high water". Nobody ever said it would be easy.

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