Willingness

How willing are you to adhere to the wishes, instructions, and desires of the one you submit to? "Very" you answer. Is this so? Are you truly committed to doing as he or she says? No exceptions? Day after day? This is something that I suggest you give intense thought to. Being wrong on this single point will create an assortment of problems in your relationship.

The reason I bring this up is because I see many who claim to be willing yet act in the opposite way. By their actions, it is easy to determine that they desire control. They act in opposite to what they say.

This lifestyle is an ideal fit for many people. However, there are many who try to live in this way while not being cut out for it. It is like a "square peg in a round hole"; it will never be an ideal fit.

My belief is that a sub/slave is to grow over time. This is one of the primary responsibilities of a Dom/Master. It is his (her) onus to plan a course for her growth. In my book, An Owned Life, I mention that this is how a Dom/Master will increase the value of his property. Without growth, there is not much hope for a BDSM relationship in my opinion.

Much of the growth in life is a long term process. For this reason, one needs to be dedicated and committed to the end that is set down for her. Whether it is losing weight, quitting smoking, or ceasing a poor habit, action is required on a daily basis. Are you willing to take that action daily without constant attention? There is nothing more frustrating to me than to "babysit" a slave. Once the intended outcome is explained, I expect her to take the daily action towards that end.

I understand that there are times this is difficult. That is why I asked the question about willingness. People tend to allow themselves the luxury of "slacking off". They justify why the action could not be taken. This is hogwash. If the lives of your children depended upon completing the assigned task, I bet you would complete it. This is what it means to be "willing".

This is also where the difference between online and real time comes into play. My experience is that it is far easier to obey when the relationship is completely online. However, this all changes when one lives in the same zip code. People who interact regularly go through a series of emotions on a daily basis. This is the nature of relationships. These emotions can often get in the way of us following out intended actions. Are you willing to move past this and do what you are suppose to?

A sub/slave should be a testament to her Dom/Master. Sadly, one who misbehaves is an embarrassment to him. So too is one who repeatedly slacks off on what she is told to do. Sneaking an occasional cigarette when ordered not to is not appropriate behavior. This is a sign of a sub/slave remaining in charge.

In my life, actions have consequences. When I deal with those I own, I do not expect to have to "look over their shoulders" all the time. Often, I will state something one time with the expectation that it be accomplished. If a slave is not disciplined enough to handle what she is told to do, then she is not acting to make my life easier. To me, this is extremely counterproductive. This situation causes the removal of benefits until my wishes are completed.

Once again, consider your willingness to serve your Dom/Master. Are you willing to adopt the discipline, tenacity, and perseverance to please him? Success in a relationship is not a one time thing. It is something that must occur on a daily basis. This applies equally to the BDSM world.

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Willingness versus Ability

Many who are new to the lifestyle are concerned about their ability to serve the One they are with. This is a natural reaction since the desire to please is so great. However, I feel that ability is secondary to willingness. At least this is true initially.

Each person is different in terms of their skills, background, and experiences. It is unfair to expect someone new to the lifestyle to perform the same as one who has years of experience. This is true in all aspects of life. Some learn rather quickly while others take a little longer. The key, for me, it is to have a sub/slave progress at a rate that is proper for her.

I found that ability is not what determines one's success in serving. What is the determining factor is the willingness that one has each day. A sub/slave who is unwilling will not be successful. I often wonder why one got into the lifestyle each time I encounter someone like this.

The actions that one is expected to take can be taught. Over time, I can show a sub/slave exactly what I want done. Yet, the willingness to serve is something that I cannot provide. I believe this is a trait that is ingrained in that person which I simply help to uncover.

So, when I get with someone who is new, this is the first area that I focus my attention on. It is the willingness that seems to make the difference.