Outting Oneself

I wrote a number of posts over the last few months relating to this topic. However, today someone posted some evidence on my social BDSM community which illustrates what happens when we advertise the lifestyle choices we make.

Before reading any further, check out his post here. It is rather short and wont take but a moment to read.

They Do Not Understand

Can you believe what you just read? I certainly can. This post shows how dangerous it is for one to mention the choice to live in the BDSM lifestyle. The simply fact is that most of society does not understand the options we select. In fact, they feel that we are mentally unstable and in need of psychiatric help. The BDSM way of life is a ticket to the loony bin according to the mainstream "experts".

Personally, I am one who believes all promoters of dogma belong in the nuthouse. This includes those same government pukes who want to judge us while taking our children away. Of course, we cannot forget those religious fanatics who are holier than thou. Tell that to all the children molested by those "pure" priests. Their hypocrisy is legendary. Nonetheless, sometimes it is best for us to keep our mouths shut.

I see so many who want to tell all what they are into. I understand how there are some who are so thirsty for recognition that they will do anything to garner the attention. Again, this is a mistake when it comes to BDSM. The general public does not understand. They simply see images of online of women (mostly) tied up and beaten. They consider this cruel and immoral. Never do they take the time to understand subspace or the fact that all we do is based upon consent. Instead they forge ahead with the prosecution.

Leave Family Out Of It

I have a simple suggestion: leave your family out of every detail of your BDSM lifestyle. It is none of their business. Resist the temptation to tell anyone what you are into. This is doubly true if you have small children. As the story illustrates, there are forces out there who will take them from you. Defy this fact at your own risk. Those who think it cannot or will not happen to them ought to consider her. Do you think she would ever imagine that she would be in a battle for her kids over her lifestyle practices? I surmise she did not. Yet that is exactly where she finds herself.

Kids have no place in this way of life. If they are living in the house with you, play elsewhere. Anyone who is 24/7 live-in has to use some sense of what is appropriate in front of the children and what is not. Act like the adult you are suppose to be. Sex is not something that people do in while their kids are awake. The same is true for bondage, paddling, and other BDSM games. It is the adults responsibility to shield the children from these practices until they are of age when they are going to be making choices regarding their sexuality.

As bad as I feel for this woman, I cannot say that it surprises me at all. I know that this is how we are treated by the mainstream. Anyone who is naive enough to believe things like this do not happen probably deserves whatever he or she gets. The warning signs are all over the place if you lack the commonsense to take matters into your own hands. If you still are missing them, I will spell it out again: Leave your family out of your BDSM lifestyle. Keep it private for the benefit of all involved. It is that simple.

If you are one who decides to advertise yourself all over the place: STOP! This means removing all specific references to family on adult sites. Take all your BDSM accessories and lock them in a safe place out of young prying eyes. Secure all photos of yourself and others in compromising positions (remember teenagers are more skilled at the computer than you so be careful). Approach your life as if it is a big secret. Failure to do so might find you in a similar position as this woman. I can guarantee that you do not want to try to explain the pleasure you receive from a whipping to a judge in front of your family. That has disaster spelled all over it.

Now, if you missed it everywhere else, your are WARNED.

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How Committed Are You?

Many have the luxury of drifting in and out of this lifestyle. There are some who can call up a Dom whenever the urge hits to go "play". Others, while making a more concerted decision, such as being a slave, are able to move back to traditional when the mood fits this. This was the case with me for years.

I had a stirring within me that drew me to this particular way of life. However, because of the conditioning of society, I was not able to totally commit myself. In my book, An Owned Life, I refer to the power that this has over us. Hearing the same message repeatedly since we were young makes us believe that is the only possibility for life. The truth is the number of different lifestyles are too numerous to mention.

Nevertheless, since I was single without being a custodial parent, I was afforded the opportunity to drift between this way of life and the traditional. Each time I met the girl who I believed was the "one", I bolted back to the vanilla world. As you can guess, that always ended up in a train wreck. The point being, the decision solely affected me and I was the only one to suffer the consequences.

I wish I could say this is the common avenue taken. Sadly, many give up a great deal more in their pursuit of happiness. My belief is that people who are drawn to this lifestyle do so because of an inner desire that is natural to them. I mention some of this in my book. There are many other people who can be affected while not understanding the choices we make. In return, they can act in ways which are extremely unkind.

This lifestyle is about freedom. Many people will talk about this virtue yet few experience. They fail to realize just how enslaved they really are. Everything from the acting out based upon the beliefs of others to doing a job that one hates to pay off creditors shows just how little people really have. The truth is that it takes a great deal of courage to choose to be free. And, when making this choice, there is a risk of alienation by others.

So, the process starts with deciding "how committed are you"? Are you willing to experience the backlash that can often come from those we love the most? Family members are the people who are closest to us yet they cause the most pain. They tend to believe that everything is done "to them". This causes them to miss the fact that people need to choose to live life as they see fit. Again, I feel much of the negative response comes from the fact they do not have the courage themselves to live as they want. Therefore, a backlash is inevitable.

Every choice has consequences. Are you willing to endure some of the negative ones you might encounter? There is a great risk that you might alienate friends or family (or they do this to you). It is best to consider this possibility when looking at this way of life. Enter it with your eyes as wide open as possible.

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