BDSM isnt for everyone

L: Hi. I was trying to do the candle wax dripping thing, and it's not
working.
B: Have you lit the candle?
L: I need to light it?
B: Yes, if you want it to drip wax.
L: How do I light it?
B: With matches.
L: Ok, thanks!

L: Hi, it's me again. I've got the candle lit, but whenever I try and
press the wax onto her, she screams in pain. At least I think it's
pain, I can't tell with the gag I put on her.

B: Ah, I think I see the problem. You need to drip the wax onto her,
by holding the lit candle well above her flesh. Don't push the flame
into her body, that doesn't work.
L: Gee thanks! How do you know all this stuff, did you go to college?
B: Uh, no, I just picked it up by playing around at home.
L: You must be really smart!

L: Hi, the candle's still not working. She's not screaming in pain any
more, but the wax isn't melting on her, it's just bouncing off.
B: Do you have the candle lit?
L: Yup, it's lit, and the wax dribbles off, but then when it hits her
it just bounces off.
B: Uh, how high are you holding the candle.
L: I'm standing on a chair, holding it way up while she's on the
floor. That way it won't burn her.
B: Um, that might be a bit too high. Try holding the candle about a
foot above her. Then the wax will still be liquid when it hits her. If
it's too hot, raise the candle higher. If it's not hot enough, lower
the candle.
L: Well why didn't you tell me the first time.
B: I assumed you were a little more familiar with candles, sir. My
apologies for the mistake.
L: Don't talk down to me, I'm an MCSE! [0]
B: Yes, sir. Just try that and let us know how it goes.

L: Guess who? Yup, me again. It worked really great, I dripped the wax
everywhere and she really enjoyed it, and thrashed around a lot in
pleasure.
B: Great! How can I help you then?
L: Well, after a while she passed out from the pleasure, and she
hasn't said anything yet.
B: Did you remove the gag?
L: No, do I need to?
B: Yes, sir.
L: Ok, I'll just do it now, but she's in another room.
B: You do that then call us back if there are any problems.
L: Ok.

L: It's me again. I had to scrape a lot of the wax off, but I was able
to remove the gag now. She's still not saying anything.
B: Ok, have you tried pouring cold water on her?
L: No, I'll do that now. How high should it be when I pour it.
B: Uh, it doesn't matter how high, just pour it.
L: Ok, hang on. I'll go do that now. *pause* Nope, it didn't help.
B: Um, is she still breathing?
L: How do I check?
B: Is her stomach rising and falling?
L: Let me just check. *pause* No it's not.
B: I see. Uh, how much wax did you dribble on her face?
L: Oh heaps! At least 3 candles worth. You could hardly make anything
out it was on so thick. She really enjoyed it though, she was
thrashing around so much when I did it. It's funny, but even though
I've removed all the wax, her face is still kind of blue.
B: Uh, yeah, that will pass. Um, she seems to have moved into another
stage of existance, and it's not something we support. You'll need
to call Life Support on 911.
L: What? Hey, it was your candles and BSDM[1] book! You have to
support it.
B: I'm afraid not sir, we do explicitly state that you are responsible
for the use of such equipment, and whilst we can provide tips and
advice, you are responsible for anything occuring from the use of the
product.
L: I want my money back then!
B: I'm sorry, but as you've used up the candles and used the book, we
can't do that.
L: You can't do that. I'm gonna call the police!
B: Ok, Sir. You do that, and tell them everything which happened. Tell
them that we have a recorded tape of all our conversations which they
can listen to if they need to confirm anything. Then if they agree you
deserve a refund we'll do that.
L: Fine. *slams down phone*

[0] Melted Candle Splurting Expert.
[1] Typo deliberate.

Thanksgiving

Here is the United States we are celebrating the annual Thanksgiving holiday. Like most holidays, this one lost some of its meaning over the years. Nevertheless, it is a helpful reminder to be thankful for all that we have. Times of late are trying to us all. Nevertheless, there is a lot that we have which we take for granted.

Most of us in the Western world do not know what it is like to truly suffer. Lately, we hear how horrible the housing market is with people being foreclosed upon, how stocks are getting destroyed, and how people are facing the loss of their jobs. While acknowledging how bad all these are, it is best to remember that many in the world would love to have these problems.

We need only look at the continent of Africa to realize how blessed all of us are. They are struggling with some of the basic necessities of life. Diseases like aids is running at an incredible rate, most countries suffer from famine, and tribal wars are commonplace. Everyday is truly a life or death situation.

As you go through the next 24 hours, remember all that you have. If you find that you are presently lacking some of the things that this society has to offer, then be grateful that you live in a place where there is an opportunity to create your life as you see fit. At this moment, you have more opportunities within 10 miles of your house than most of the people in Africa will ever dream of.

A spiritual adviser of mine would say "we live in the land of milk and honey". How true he was.

Have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Kinkilink.com-A site to check out

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Courtesy

There seems to be a lack of courtesy which has overtaken our culture. Everywhere I turn people are downright rude. I can only presume this is part of what goes along with the entitlement mentality. We are a culture that believes others are here to serve us and that some are "beneath" us. We witness this with anyone who is involved in the service industry. These are some of the most abused people.

The BDSM world is no different. We often talk about the M/s aspect of BDSM on this site. However, this concept applies equally, if not more, to the D/s realm. The nature of M/s establishes a certain amount of respect and courtesy for one's Master. However, this is not always reciprocated. Often, I see Masters acting like arrogant fools. They failed to remember the lessons they were taught growing up.

D/s is often a relationship without the deep commitment we find in M/s. Many times, people will only get together for a scene. Friends with benefits can come under this scenario. Once the scene ends, the commitment to each other ends.

Does this mean that common courtesy is to be ignored. Of course, there are techniques used during the scene which will negate this (erotic humiliation for example). Nevertheless, we can still apply the same courtesy and respect to this type of relationship.

Standing someone up is considered by most to be plain rude. No matter what the interaction, not showing up when you agreed to is disrespectful and shows how little one cares about others. To me, this is one of the most selfless acts. That being said, I am amazed at how many people will agree to meet on a certain day only to have that day pass without even a phone call. In my book, this is grounds for ending the relationship.

Another area that I see abused is the lack of saying "please" and "thank you". This applies to the Masters as well. These terms are always practical no matter what type of relationship you create. It is not a sign of weakness to say them to a slave. In fact, it shows your power more since you are not threatened by her. Many pretenders feel that continue degradation is the only way to control. Destroying a slave/sub's esteem is not control; that is abuse. The truly power Masters/Doms will build their ones up while maintaining his own self worth.

In the end, the BDSM world is a microcosm of society in general. Since common courtesy is something that is vanishing from our culture, it is also something that is leaving this lifestyle also. I can only hope there are a few who remain committed to some of the ideals of old.

The Ups and Downs of BDSM

Many seem to think that entering the BDSM world will solve all of one's problems. It will not. The biggest thing to remember about a BDSM relationship (whether it be D/s or M/s) is that it is still a relationship. Even within the alternative lifestyle, there are life issues to deal with. We are not exempt from all the circumstances that others go through.

Relationships, by their very nature, contains ups and downs. There are times when two people get along fabulously while others, not so well. As I wrote numerous times, the only real difference between BDSM and traditional relationships is the power structure. Aside from that, they mimic each other to a great extent.

So, what are the important components? You can already guess the answer to that one. The same qualities which make a vanilla relationship succeed also helps those in BDSM prevail. We can look to the attributes of trust, responsibility, contribution, and compatibility. These are all things that make interactions with others successful.

There will be difficult times in any relationship. What gets a couple through them is the trust that they have for each other. "Anything worth having is worth fighting for". We see this clearly in relationships. When two people are committed to making things work, they can overcome astounding obstacles.

Consider this the next time things get a little bumpy in your relationship.

The Best Household BDSM Implement

Many go out and spend hundreds of dollars on BDSM toys and accessories. While this is all well and good, it is a step that needn't be taken, especially in the beginning. It is best to enter into this alternative lifestyle in a manner which reflects your level of learning. Spending a boatload of money on furniture, whips, and chains when you know not how to use them is pointless.

The way I tell most couples to implement BDSM in their relationship is through the technique of spanking. This simple technique allows for one to experience the sensation of the lifestyle without going too deep. I find it best to go slower rather than fast. Spanking can also be coupled with a variety of role playing to enhance the scene.

After one get accustomed to this, I usually suggest adding to thes situation by getting a simple household spatula. This can be one of the plastic ones that is available at the local discount store. A plastic spatula will increase the amount of "sting" when the ass or upper back is struck. Some also like to have their tits beaten with this, an entry into titty torture.

Using a spatula is the most cost effective way to move to the next level in your BDSM play. The best part is that every kitchen has one. You can vary the degree of pain by strike the same area repeatedly in quick intervals. As mentioned, there is the flexibility of striking different areas. Finally, I have concentrated on a specific area long enough to draw blood. The constant striking will thin out the skin until there is nothing left.

Remember this tool the next time you want to add a bit more to your scene.

Equal Treatment

*This post aims more at the M/s relationship than it does at the D/s. Also, it refers to those who are in poly situations as opposed to those who are in single slave ones.

"That is so unfair". This is a saying we hear from children all the time. One will find it not fair that an older sibling is allowed to stay out later. Children expect equal treatment from parents. However, anyone with multiple children knows that you do not treat your children equally. There are differences based upon age, maturity level, and acceptance of responsibility. Experience shows us that some are better able to handle things while others need to wait a while.

The poly M/s relationship is similar. Many slaves feel that a Master should treat her the same as the others. This is a way to set oneself up for disappointment. Not all slaves are on equal footing. Depending on her talents, she might be utilized for different purposes than another. This is up to the Master.

A classic example is the difference between a house slave and a pleasure slave. Both are slaves owned by a Master. However, they live entirely different existences. The house slave is responsible for and judged based upon her taking care of the domestic activities. At the same time, the pleasure slave is there for the Master's fun and enjoyment. While they both might be expected to perform in the other area, it is common that they are relegated to that specific role.

Does a Master have to be fair? No. Does one have to drive two cars equally when owning more than one? It is unfair to drive one car more than the other. Well, that is the choice of the owner. The same holds true in the M/s world. A Master is free to elect how He spends His time. Also, the manner in how one pleases Him is also His choice.

The BDSM world, and M/s in particular, is far different than the traditional model. It is not for everyone. Many have a difficult time adjusting. Some learn more about themselves and can accept this aspect of the lifestyle. Others find they need to move into something a bit more with what society teaches. That is a reality of this way of life.

If you are in a poly M/s relationship, do not expect to be treated on par with your sisters. There will be times when a Master favors one over another. Do not expect to have the situation explained to you since He does not answer to you. He is the one who makes the decisions while you are the one who follows His directives. Submission is a complete process. When living the life of total power exchange (tpe) it is crucial to remember one's place.

Punishing of the Feet

The beating of the feet can be fun and exciting for many. This is especially true for those who have a foot fetish. The idea of having a bit of soreness the next day reminds the sub/slave of the wonderful time experienced with the Dom/Master.

To start, safety is really important in this technique. A foot has many small bones that can easily be broken. We want to avoid this at all costs. Always hit on the bottoms while avoiding the tops altogether. Aim you blows to the balls of the feet or the external sole. The heel is also acceptable if that person has never had any heel trouble.

For maximum pleasure, it is best to tie the sub/slave up. Have the sub lay on his or her back while putting the feet in the air. I find that using a spreader bar or cuffs attached to an overhead hook works the best. This will give open access to the soles of the feet (the ass is exposed also providing a bonus benefit).

Naturally the idea is to cause a sting as opposed to providing pain. As mentioned, safety is critical in this technique. What you use to strike the sub/slave can vary. Floggers, rulers, and boards all seem to be effective. Find something that provides the sting which you also can control. I found that industrial size paint stirrers work very well. Experiment with different devices to see what you like the best.

Try this technique the next time you want to have some BDSM fun. It is unique and provides the sub/slave with a sensation not otherwise experienced.

Knowing Your Place

The M/s lifestyle is a voluntary one. Nobody can be forced into being a sub or a slave. This is a decision that each has to make. However, once the decision is made to enter this way of life, one is expected to know her place. Failure to do so creates the situation that needs addressing-a resolution which is often not accommodating to that individual.

Naturally, there is a major difference between a sub and slave. To me, the level of commitment means that treatment is altered. Obviously, one who desires to serve as a slave is accepting a greater degree of control exerted over him or her. In this arrangement, the exchange of power is total. Nothing is retained by the slave.

When one enters as a sub, she is agreeing to retain control over a portion of his/her life. The exchange of power is complete only in those areas that pertain to the submission. For example, a sub may submit during a scene but the power is equaled after the scene is ended. Or the domination might only include sex while all other aspects of the relationship is level.

In both cases, there is a "negotiated" agreement with respect to the power. It is understood that the exchange is total in the M/s relationship. The decision to do this means that the Master is in control. That is what "total power exchange" means.

Too many seem to forget the nature of our relationships. It is easy to fall back into old behavior of wanting to have a voice. Slaves have emotions like everyone else. However, it is best to understand your place within the relationship. Again, failure to do so can have adverse consequences.

A slave's place is to make her Master's life easier. Unfortunately, the slave's ego often gets in the way to cause turmoil. This is true when there are multiple people involved. I have seem so many petty arguments transpire over the littlest things. It makes One wonder if he is indeed dealing with adults. Jealousy and the "one upping" game can drive a Master crazy. More than once the idea passed through my mind to clean house and return to the traditional lifestyle.

Of course, this is not meant to deter anyone from the lifestyle. This is just one of the many situations that a Master needs to deal with. When the one(s) who submits forgets her place, problems arise. Ultimately, the Master is forced to make a decision to resolve the issue.