Societal Lies: Domination

BDSM involves power exchange relationships of some type. This is the essence of the Domination/Submission part of the acronym BDSM. However, these are two qualities that society doesn't necessarily promote.

Domination-Not Overtly

Society seems to preach domination. It talks about being in control and taking charge. In the business world, we are taught to forge ahead while making the company more profitable. The wealthy are glamorized on television and in magazines. We follow the lives of Lindsey Lohan, Brad Pitt, Donald Trump, etc... This is a part of Americana that we cherish.

However, society actually degrades these people in a not so overt manner. We are taught that the rich take advantage of people and the wealthy are mean and arrogant. People like Donald Trump are equally pounded for having an oversized ego as for the deals he puts together.

At the same time, the male species was 'wussified' by the ever evolving sentimental mindset. Aggressive behavior is no longer an admired trait but one that gets a person entered into counseling. Men were taught to be sensitive; that it is okay to cry. They were taught to get in tough with their 'feminine' side so as to be mindful of feelings. The hard, coarse Marlboro Man was replaced with the Metrosexual.

In short, society is promoting its equality concept. A strong man being in charge is underhandedly slapped down. The elite write papers and books describing how destructive the animal instinct is in mankind. One who acts in an authoritative manner is found to be mean and insensitive. At the same time women were shown how to assert themselves more. It's no longer a 'man's' world. Instead, the battle of the sexes forged a new interaction with each genders roles changing.

Masters/Doms

Most Masters/Doms do not have what it takes to control and dominate. The natural instinct that was within each of these individual's was stamped out of them by society. Few are skilled at the art of making decisions, providing leadership, and taking control in risky situations. Instead, most excel at the fine art of procrastination, indecision, and indifference. This makes one a good slave in society's eyes (its goal) but an awful person to be in charge of a D/s relationship.

Those who succeed in power exchange relationships do not buy into the lies of society. One needs to know in his heart that it is perfectly acceptable to choose a life of domination. Since that is what is within one naturally, it is an easy transition to make...if one is willing to engage in the proper mindset. And that is where most fall down.

Domination is not something that can be faked. A submissive who is seeking someone to assume control will not submit to one who lacks the skills to uphold her. While some will impress a new one in the immediate term, the truth is that long term domination requires the skills I mentioned previously. Self discipline, another factor rarely talked about in the victimization world, is another component that will enable one to follow. However, as can be guessed, most lack this ability which negates their domination.

Masters/Doms need to continually have the mindset of excellence. The idea that one is moving towards elite status is what separates him from the masses. And separation from all the other noise is required to get (and keep) the attention of a true submissive. Excellence should always be on the mind of a dominant one. He is not one to settle. Everything around him is subject to his control. This is contrary to what society promotes but is basic for success in the D/s world.

So once again, excelling in the BDSM world requires one to shed the mindset that society promotes and not buy into its lies. Domination is just example of how many are ill prepared to live this lifestyle. It necessitates a total transformation in one's thinking.

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Isolation

This is a tactic that is universal across the online spectrum and used as a means to control a sub/slave by one who is otherwise unable to do so.

Isolating a sub/slave is a tactic the pretenders use consistently in an effort to keep their lies and misinformation alive. The truth is these people prey upon newcomers in an effort to get what they want. At a minimum they are annoying...at a maximum they are dangerous. Do not allow yourself to be placed in a situation like this.

Fear of Someone Taking Her

Often the reason for this tactic (cited) is because there are so many trollers who will hit upon her that I need to protect her from them (yeah and who is protecting her from you). Of course, what our virtuous doesnt realize is that she somehow managed to navigate things before he came into the picture. The truth is that a person of this ilk is actually insecure and afraid someone real will steal her away. This is the pretenders worst nightmare.

Lies are an interesting concept to analyze. As we weave them, they get deeper and more complex. Remembering them is difficult. Thus, the best way to maintain the deception is to isolate one from any source of knowledge. Mankind has done this for centuries. Ever noticed how the illiterate are ones who tend to be further behind everyone else ? Reading was/is a method that allows one to prevent another from seeking knowledge. Isolation is another method.

The truth is that no real dom is concerned about a sub being taken. If one's relationship is real, there is no reason to go to this length. I have a live in slave who is allowed to speak with whomever she chooses in open forums. Does this bother me or make me think that she will suddenly be swept away by someone else? Of course not. Nobody is going to succeed in that area as long as I maintain my domination and control in the proper manner. This is what a dominant does.

Our fearful, albeit virtuous dom doesnt have this confidence. The reason is because he knows deep down he is a farce. In other words, he has nothing real to offer. Over the years I saw so many of these dimwits it makes my head spin. Yet they all do the same thing. Isolation is a practice that is not done for the protection of the sub/slave but, rather, for the lies and deception of the pretender.

Danger

Anyone who agrees to this is a complete fool. People who think like this are dangerous. The BDSM world is wrought with peril simply because of the lifestyle we lead. Many of the activities that we are involved in require specialized knowledge. There are many things which need to be done only with expert supervision. A new person trying these things out is downright horrific. Tragedy can strike at any time.

The online world is wrought with scams, lies, and deception. It is the nature of this medium since anonymity is so easy to maintain. I cannot tell you how many people I interacted with who mentioned the idea of moving themselves (and kids) to a Master they knew nothing about. When questioned, the response is often 'Master doesnt take questions from slaves'. Hello. Get the hell out then. How can any sane person expect to formulate a relationship in such a manner?

Knowledge is key. People come to this lifestyle knowing very little about it. There are many preconceived ideas most of which are wrong. Then, our sweet little subbie compounds the issue by getting involved with someone in under 2 weeks. Hence we have a naive mind able to be coaxed by the pretenders. There are a number of sites which are full of kiddie doms and comic book masters. They pounce on every new person as soon as the profile goes up.

When dealing with these fools, the best thing that can happen is for some emotional trauma to take place. Many get suckered into believing what they have is 'real' when it is nothing more than misleading lies. Ultimately, in many instances, since these people were playing online games, the person is crushed to realize he or she was taken. However, if that is the extent of the damage, then all is well. Sadly, this isnt always the case.

Meeting one of these people in person ups the stakes considerably. This is where the real danger comes in. Unfortunately, since our person is new and extremely naive (in addition to being woefully in love), she wasnt aware of the proper means to protect herself. Hence she is at the mercy of someone who might not have her best interest at heart.

Without going any further down that path, I will state the best way to protect yourself is to avoid this situation totally. If you are talking to someone and he tells you that you are not to talk to other Doms/Masters, tell him to screw off. I mean it. Run for the hills. Get out of Dodge. Move on Batman. Forget all the feelings you have and the 'need' to serve him. This is a person who is not worthy nor capable of taking your submission. I can promise you, the odds are not in your favor. Pretender tactic 101 is a sure sign that this is a person to avoid. In the long run, you will save yourself a lot of heartache and perhaps a lot more. DO NOT TAKE THESE WORDS LIGHTLY.

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Society's Lies

Society is totally and completely full of shit. Everything you were taught is most likely a lie. All your training was done to simply make you a non-consensual slave. This is the plight that the masses suffer. Few, in a 'civilized' society amount to much more than that. The land of the free is an illusion for children.

It Doesn't Work

Why do I make these harsh statements? Simply because they are true. And the reason why I can state this so emphatically is because what society teaches does not work for the majority of the people. The general populous is chasing a pipedream which, if achieved, is untrue.

Think about some of the lessons you heard. Try this one on for size:

Go to school, get a good job, meet the right girl, get married, and live happily ever after.

Okay, where do I start with this mess. In the United States, at this moment, unemployment is hovering around 10% (officially-the unofficial number is really closer to 18%). That means there are a whole lot of people who went to school who are having trouble getting a good job. Thus, happily ever after is going to have to wait a while.

At the same time, we know the divorce rate is close to 60%. That means 6 in 10 marriages fail. While I will grant there are many 'repeat offenders' who can skew the numbers, there are also ones such as myself who never married. Ergo, we have another piece of the equation that is out the window. Getting married is not necessarily the path to happiness.

Madison Avenue

Of course, the above is just one example of how we are misled. Look at the propaganda put forth by Madison Avenue. Almost every commercial simply lies to you in some form. The basic tenet of most ads is that 'you need this product'. Well, I can emphatically tell you that you do not. The truth is that you will be okay even if you do not have that exotic automobile. You can get laid without spending huge sums on designer perfumes and cologne. Whatever they are selling you do not need.

The reason why they are effective is because people lack the esteem to make their own choices. Here is where we also see society's lies in action. What percentage of the population has a high enough level of esteem to be able to make choices for themselves? I would say a very small percentage. Most follow like blind seals; rarely questioning anything. The advertisers, religious zealots, and political figures all use this to their advantage. They know the masses are asleep.

Your Life

One of the grandest lies is that you exist for someone else (unless you choose that route). This outlook is deemed selfish by society which is a sure sign of conditioning. The fact is that your life is yours. You are free to spend your time on this planet as you see fit. If there is a particular path that you would like to follow, it is up to you to do that. However, those who supposedly love us will cast their judging eyes upon us. This is something that only a few can tolerate.

Our society is made up of a bunch of 'people pleasers'. It is a conglomerate of weak people who are lead around by those with the foresight and power to take control. Thoreau was correct in his assessment that most live 'lives of quiet desperation'. The need to be liked, fit in, or feel love is so great that we will do anything to please those around us. We lose the ability to say 'no' to the whims of others which means we are saying 'no' to life. Whenever our choices are unknowingly made in this manner, then we are slaves. This is not something that is consciously known, thus, being non-consent. History shows this is nothing new.

The Awakened Are Free

Those who wake up to the lies are free to live. The other day I wrote a post that dealt with the freedom of bdsm. Those who consciously choose the BDSM lifestyle are free for a simply reason: they broke from the mindset that society implemented and forged a direction based upon a decision they made. These people are no longer asleep.

BDSM is about truth. It is a way of life that allows one to select something that is not in the mainstream but will provide the happiness and fulfillment (an often overlooked quality in life) that many are seeking. Is this a path for everyone? Certainly not. However, for those who find they do not fit into the general equation that society presents, perhaps this is something to pursue.

I found that BDSM is not about living a lie but about living. It starts with respecting the concept that one is free to choose how her or she opts to structure life. While many will cast a negative opinion about one serving in the capacity of a slave, the fact is that if this is what makes one whole inside, then it is a perfectly acceptable choice. When one wants to live in such a manner, who are we to try and deter that person.

Individuals awaken before the masses. Throughout history we see individuals who took a stand against the mainstream mindset. Rosa Parks is one who comes to mind. Society is the one that planted bigoted beliefs in people's minds. Generations were taught to hate coloreds. They were also show how homosexuality was despicable. And, today, we see the same powers show their followers how 'infidels' need to be eliminated. Dogma can come from anywhere and blind adherence is, historically, the path to slavery.

Remember all the lies society told throughout the ages the next time you are confronted with an implanted belief. The odds are that it doesnt work in your life. Awaken and choose your own path.

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Domination: Not Something You Fake

What does it mean to be dominant? We often hear this term but have you ever considered what it really means? How does one recognize domination? What are the qualities? Many of these questions cannot be answered yet we all understand what is meant by the term. And, we also can identify it when we see it.

Taking The Lead

In its simplest form, being dominant means 'taking the lead'. This is a phrase that will encompass all behavior of a dominant on. That person will not wait for approval or direction. Instead, the person chooses the path which he or she will follow. When you couple this with another when involved in a BDSM relationship, the result is the path both individuals will follow.

One component that is critical in this scenario is the ability to make a decision. You would be surprised how many people cannot do this. Instead, they excel at the art of 'waffling'. Whenever a person of this ilk is confronted with a choice, he or she hesitates to decide. Fear of making the wrong decision is the usual motivator in this situation. Of course, by not making a decision, one is actually making it. No decision is a decision.

Therefore, for one to be dominant, he or she must be decisive. Decisions need to be made quickly and with conviction. Personal development experts claim that the best leaders make their decisions quickly and are slow to change them. This means once they decide, it is full tilt forward. Confidence in oneself is imperative. While the fact is that bad decisions are made by everyone, a leader takes into account that he or she will be right more often than not.

Faking It

Many try to fake this part of the process. As opposed to making a decision, many newer people will waffle. This is a sure sign that someone isn't quite skilled as a dominant. Anyone who enters this lifestyle while suffering the perilous trait of mental inertia is doomed to fail as a dominant. The responsibility will ultimately crush a person like this.

The only way to better oneself is to practice making decisions. Procrastination needs to be recognized as the enemy. Those who major in that characteristics also champion the idea of nothing. They will not make a decision to save their life. Instead of choosing this route, opt to decide on every matter before you quickly. Here is where we develop the ability to live decisively.

A submissive type is looking for someone with the qualities that he or she is seeking. Decisiveness is one of those that almost all need to witness. This is how a dominant can built trust. Deciding quickly and emphatically will enlarge a submissive's view. He or she will follow behind when that decisiveness is proven to be a consistent quality. Whenever a dominant one is lacking this, the submissive is left with nothing to do but wait. He or she is there to follow. Without direction, there is stagnation for both.

Newer people try to fake this. Certainly, it is helpful to make decisions immediately when dealing with a new relationship. However, this is something that needs to continue over time. As mentioned, often people are in the habit of being inert. Society doesnt promote decisiveness as a trait for people to develop. The net result is most fail in this endeavor from a lack of effort. Now, when one attempts to fake it, he or she will soon realize the ability is not there. Inconsistency is another sign that someone is not what is proclaimed.

Resolve today to be decisive in all that you do. Whenever you are confronted with a decision, make it. Here is an exercise I often do when I find that I allow inertia to creep into my life. Take out a piece of paper and write down the next 5 things you are going to do. Thing about it for a few seconds then write the items down. Next, go complete those items. This little exercise will help you with you decision-making ability. Do it and do not second guess what is on the paper. Simply resolve to get it done. This is decisive behavior, a skill that your BDSM relationship depends upon.

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The Freedom of BDSM

I asked everyone on my social site what attracted them to this way of life. Since the question was recently posed, I do not have great detail of the answers. However, I can express to you exactly what it was that drew me to it. In a word, it is FREEDOM. BDSM, in my opinion, is one of the few lifestyles that is built upon freedom. Those who seek this out as a high value cannot help but be attracted to this way of life.

Enslaving the Minions

Society is a terrific jailer and the masses are its captives. People simply do not have the ability to create their own beliefs. Instead, we are told what to believe and how to live our lives. This is something that occurs in every generation and all the cultures throughout the world. The fact that many countries promote themselves as 'free' is misleading, In fact, it is an outright lie. Society expects and demands obedience. And, we as the good minions offer it at every turn.

Marriage is the primary vehicle that we are told will lead to our happiness. The traditional model is the only one offered and, until very recently, the only one accepted. If you were homo or bisexual, sorry, you are out of luck. The truth is that this path leads to heartbreak in over 50% of the cases based upon the present divorce rate. What does this tell us? That the traditional model did not fit in these instances.

Does that mean that marriage is a failure? Not at all. What it means is that not everyone is designed to follow the traditional path. We would be better off if we questioned what was being promoted to us. Asking things such as 'is this best for me' would go a long way to avoiding difficulty.

A Break In Mindset

Society enslaves people in their minds. Therefore, if we are ever going to be free, we must hold a mental jailbreak. The tenets of a particular culture might or might not hold true. Part of the process of snapping the chains that bind is questioning whether what you were spoon fed is appropriate. In some instances it will be. Then, if you are satisfied that you will benefit, then follow the dogma. However, if you determine that the belief system you were given makes no sense, then shed it for another. Believe it or not, you are free to do this.

Entering the BDSM life shows that one took this step. Simply by being present in this lifestyle means that an individual broke the traditional mindset and sought out another. That is why I believe that BDSM represents freedom. People who are involved in this way of life did not arrive here through blind obedience to dogma. Instead, each of us had to question what was occurring in our lives. We found that the traditional path was not working so we opted for another route. This mindset makes a radical difference. Blind adherence is what allows people to be enslaved. Questioning is the key to freedom.

I realize at this moment this might seem like a minor point. However, I will show you in the next few weeks how this ties into a much larger picture. The idea of freedom is one that people overlook too often. Fortunately for me, I decided to investigate it in depth. My results will be forwarded for your benefit. For now just understand that the conscious choice to live in a manner than the one prescribed by the mainstream is a step towards freedom. You are exercising your choice to live life as you see fit. This separates you from 98% of the people out there.

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A New Direction

Over the next few weeks, I am going to start taking this blog in a new direction. The BDSM philosophy is core to my existence. However, I feel that I am doing my readers a disservice if I do not touch upon many different aspects of life. To me, BDSM is about one thing: FREEDOM. People who enter into this way of life do so by telling society, 'I am going to live how I want regardless of what you think about it'. My opinion is that most of the western culture is nothing more than unknowing slaves. People toil all day long to get ahead only to end up empty (dead is another word). I want my readers to experience so much more.

Over the next few months, I will be implementing some changes in my life as a result of a new found outlook. Again, this is not wavering from the original BDSM notion. In fact, it is truly an expansion of this fundamental concept. Slavery is something that is all around us and I, for one, opt for the consensual as opposed to systematic slavery. Many of my posts will document this process.

My intention is to expand everyone's thinking by reiterating to you how I am altering things in my life. As a practicing member of what I write about, I hope this experience will benefit all of you.

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Self Discipline II

Here is the previous article in this series. I suggest you read this one first before proceeding.

In the last post, I mentioned that self discipline is the ability to get yourself to take action. No matter what type of relationship we refer to, they all are based upon action. The reasoning is simple: action is what transfers something from the invisible (our minds) to the visible. People can see the results of our actions.

A Learned Science

Self discipline is something that can be learned. The truth is anyone can have self discipline if he or she would only apply oneself. Of course, if one looks at society, he or she will realize why most people are discounted from this discussion. It is a fact that the greatest percentage, by an overwhelming margin lack self discipline. Instead of putting forth the effort to amass this talent, people make up excuses as to why they fail.

An analogy that works well for this topic is the idea of building a muscle. When one starts to work out with weights, the idea is to go slowly while working one's way up. So, on the first day one might do 5 reps at a particular weight. Depending upon how well that worked, one would decide to go for 6 reps the next time or, perhaps, cut back to 4. Regardless, one needs to get to a comfortable starting point from which to build from.

Self discipline is the same way. One needs to find the place from which to build from. Fortunately, most are beginning at ground zero. From that point, progress can be made. The idea is to start small and complete the task. Each day, one can add more and more to the list. Over time, it should be easier to do things.

For example, maybe you decided that losing some weight is on your agenda. What would be the first step? Perhaps you opt to walk each day for 30 minutes. I suggest you write this down on your list of things to do tomorrow (or today if it is early enough in the day). So, now you have a list of one thing to do. Before we retire for the night, I want you to add one more thing to your commitment: put down the time you are going to complete this task. This will add the emphasis of a time commitment also.

Now, guess what you do tomorrow at the assigned time? You complete your walk. This is what self discipline is all about. You complete the tasks that you set out to complete.

Why Do Most Lack Self Discipline?

It is a simple fact that we buy all the excuses that we offer to ourselves. Self discipline is so difficult because we reason with ourselves in a way that is magical. I wish I was as successful at convincing others of the things that go through my mind as I am with myself. I buy 100% of the ideas that flow through there. Thus, to overcome my lack of discipline means I have to ignore the lies I tell myself.

Getting back to the example of exercise. I have many excuses for not getting out there that I used in the past. See if you can identify with these: it is hot/cold out there. I didnt get enough sleep last night. I will start on Monday. My back/shoulder/leg hurts. I am too sore. I dont have enough time.

Do any of them look familiar? If you ever tried to get active with an exercise program and failed, you probably thought at least a few of these. Of course, if you had told them to someone else, you might have received a 'bullshit'. But when we tell these to ourselves, we think 'absolutely'. You can now see how we buy into all the excuses we make.

Self Discipline in Relationships

As I mentioned, all relationships are judged based upon the actions we take. A BDSM relationship is no different. Whether one is a sub/slave or Master/Dom/Mistress, the fact remains that each person has responsibility within the relationship. The other person is expecting certain things from us. Failure to receive those things will ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Again, just because we are in a power exchange relationship, that does not mean we are exempt from the basic tenets of life.

In the other post I mentioned how a Dom/Master really does not want to 'babysit' a sub/slave. While some will take the approach that some things are forgivable, the basic truth is we all want things done when they are suppose to be done. Failure on the part of a sub/slave will test the fundamental makeup of the power exchange. This gets even more obvious when one moves into TPE commonly found in M/s. It is worthy to remember that the main barometer that a slave is judged upon is obedience. Lacking the self discipline to get things done will lead him/her to be deemed disobedient.

Fortunately, there is hope. The above mentioned insight will assist you in taking action. Trust is a fundamental need for any relationship. However, we always need to remind ourselves this is built by doing what we say we are going to do. Once again, we see a basic relationship trait tied to discipline. Both individuals need to be aware of this idea if they expect things to progress long-term.

One final point. Human seems to be fundamentally lazy. This is part of our condition and one that we need to work to overcome. Concentrating on self discipline is something that can help us with this.

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Slavery: Acceptable Life Choice

We one again come back to the concept of social conditioning and mindset. It is ironic how we always seem to return to this fundamental point. The control society exerts upon us is incredible. Few realize how little their lives are truly theirs.

The Mainstream

Each culture has what is termed 'mainstream' beliefs. Everything is designed to put people into a particular box. Anything that deviates from that concept is considered taboo. In short, we are trained to obey what society tells us.

Of course, as we know, the mainstream beliefs can change over time. Look at the civil rights movement as an example. There was a time where being openly prejudiced against blacks was not only accepted, but expected. Now, that viewpoint is deeply frowned upon by most; at least how it pertains to the blacks. Of course, there are other ethnic or religious groups where it is permissible.

Since beliefs can change over time, it shows that they are not written in concrete. Also, we need to realize that ideas which work for the masses might not be effective for everyone. This is where the 'box' concept falls short. Some simply do not fit into the box.

Slavery

Here is an example of how powerful the conditioning by society is. Let me ask you to consider your concepts regarding 'slavery'. What images come to mind? What do you picture and what are your feelings about that? The answers to these questions will likely reveal how impacted you are by the thoughts of others.

When most people think of slavery, they picture the suffering of the blacks in the Southern part of the U.S in the 1700s and 1800s (at least in America). This is the overriding image since it is what was promoted to us all those years. Of course, the moral aspect was also imparted upon us in that we all believe 'slavery is wrong'. But is it? Are there some conditions where slavery is acceptable? Society will tell us 'no'. I, of course, offer a different viewpoint.

Freedom

A slave lacks the freedom of choice. The Jews throughout history who lived as slaves lacked the choice. So did the blacks imported from Africa to live a life of servitude. And, we see the same situation with young women who are kidnapped and sold into the sex slave trade. These people lack the freedom of choice. Instead, they are forced to live a life of that another chose.

That brings me to the next part of this discussion: arent most people living as slaves? Again, I make the case they are. People who read this blog regularly have seen me show how few people really choose what occurs in their life. Their beliefs are handed to them by those who they grew up around. The offspring of Red Sox fans end up rooting for the Red Sox and despising the Yankees and their fans. There is no practical decision other than conditioning. The same is true for religious, political, and economic beliefs. We absorb what the others around us promote.

Therefore, the only ones who are free are those individuals who exercise the freedom of choice. I will state that this is the true minority and always will be. I write this post, not for the masses since they are too closed-minded to understand. However, there is a small percentage who can grasp the bondage that society places upon them. These are the people who have the chance to break free and choose what they want.

The Choice of a Slave

So, society promotes the mantra that slavery is bad yet it endorses the very notion through its methods of control. However, if the only one who is truly free is the individual who consciously chooses how to live, then can it be stated that freely choosing slavery is a bad thing? I do not believe so. Anyone who opts to live his or her life in a particular manner if much better off than the masses.

Shakespeare once wrote "to thy own self be true". Choosing to live life as a slave is a truthful choice for many. In short, there is a sector of the population where opting to live as an owned one is a perfectly acceptable selection. This is where a person of this nature finds happiness and excels.

Thus, we need to shed the old mindset that slavery is wrong. Slavery is not wrong. Certainly, a case can be made that non-consensual slavery is morally reprehensible. However, when one consensually enters into a situation knowing full well what to expect, how can anyone question that decision? Add to the fact that the ones who are attacking the decision are usually unaware of their own state of slavery and you realize how asinine it all is. One who freely chooses how he or she lives is 1000 times better off than those who are blinded by society's conditioning.

So, if you want to own a slave, tell yourself that it is a perfectly acceptable choice. At the same time, if you want to life in this manner, implant the same thought in your mind. While we are not the majority, we are the free. Society is not correct about everything. In fact, if you look at the lives of the masses, it is incorrect about most things. Unhappiness is the overriding consensus out there. BDSM and M/s, in particular, offers a different path. However, to get there we need to change our thinking. And that starts with your outlook on slavery.

I hope you now see things a bit differently than you did before.

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Sub versus Slave

This is one of the eternal debated within the lifestyle that has raged since one first put a collar on another. Today, I am going to spell out some ideas that should clarify this tussle once and for all.

Submission

We often talk about submission and the viewpoint of a 'submissive'. These are terms that tend to be all encompassing capturing a wide range of people in the mix. While this is acceptable for most discussions, I am going to delve a bit deeper to clarify this for everyone.

A 'sub' is simply a person who is submissive. This type of person enters into a relationship commonly referred to as D/s. Here, one gets involved with a Dom/Domme for the purpose of interacting in a relationship. These two people establish the guidelines for the relationship and take it as deeply as they decide.

The key aspect with this relationship is that the 'sub' has the choice a say as to what the parameters are. Typically, there are aspects of this relationship which are 'off limits'. The Dom/Domme has control only over the areas that are agreed upon. Because of this dynamic, 'no' is always a viable option for the bottom.

Another fundamental component is that the sub is a person of a submissive nature. Since the entire relationship is built upon the domination/submission dynamic, one person needs to fill this void. A sub is a person who commonly submits naturally. Of course, as mentioned, there are certain areas where the dominant one cannot exercise his/her control.

Slavery

Slaves tend to be submissive in nature also but not always. The reason why I state this is because, in consensual slavery, those who aren't submissive typically will not be drawn to this way of life. A person of submissive nature is attracted to the idea of ceding control over to another. However, as you will see, submissiveness is not something that is important.

When one enters into a M/s relationship, he or she is agreeing to submit to that person in all areas of life. In other words, all boundaries that are established are made by the Master/Mistress. Negotiation, debate, and compromise is not part of this equation. The exchange of power is obvious while being complete. Anything that is agreed upon is only done with the consent of the dominant one. This is a remarkable difference from the parameters established in D/s.

'No' is never an option for a slave. To deny a demand is simply to rock the very foundation of the M/s agreement. When one 'submits', he or she is agreeing to give up all of oneself. This is where the concept of 'property' enters into the picture. An person is owned once he or she grants the power over to another.

So, if submissiveness isn't the most crucial factor of M/s, then what is? The simple answer is obedience. M/s is established upon the premise of unconditional obedience. One need not worry about submitting but, rather, obeying.

Repeated Submission

A sub engages in what I call 'repeated submission'. What this means is that on a daily basis, many times, a sub will have to decide whether to acquiesce to the order placed upon him or her. Each interval is confronted with the question should I or shouldn't I? This is not so for a slave. A slave does not submit repeatedly. This process occurs once. After that, submission isn't sought but, rather, obedience.

Many will consider this a fine line. However, I feel that it spells how far apart the two life paths are. Subs do what comes natural by submitting to another in those areas which he/she is comfortable. If, at any time, one feels that a Dom/Domme crossed the line into an area that is off-limits or unnatural, he or she is within reason to say 'no'. Again, a slave doesn't have this luxury. He or she selected a path (slavery) that is dedicated to obedience. The fact that is it consensual does not alter the makeup of the relationship. Slavery has not changed in 2,000 years. Throughout history, one was simply expected to obey.

Sex Slaves

What about those who profess to be 'sex slaves'? Aren't they dictating what aspects their submission applies to? I would answer this by saying they are...and that is why they are not slaves. Slavery, by its definition is complete. Those who are 'consensual sex slave' are either ones choosing to submit in the sexual arena only or role playing with their partner. Most use the term 'slave' because they receive an erotic uplifting by thinking in these terms. Nevertheless, these people are not sex slaves.

The true sex slave is one who is not engage in the practice consensually (for the most part). We see these individuals in reports on television. Sex slaves are people who are taken from their home(land) and sold into the sex slave trade against their will. Their 'service' isn't only obligated to sexual matters. Instead, their entire lives are controlled by their captors. This is a remarkable difference from what our 'sex slaves' on the BDSM sites are referring to. Again, that is something completely different.

In closing, I want you to consider the traditional model of slavery. Today, we differ in the fact that consent is required. However, once we attain that, the same rules apply bearing in mind that we still live in a society with other laws that we must follow (that caveat is aimed at all those who want to debate this point by stating 'you cant kill her even if she is your slave'...yeah no shit Sherlock-that is called murder in most countries). A slave's effectiveness is judged based upon obedience. His/her outlook is irrelevant as long as the task assigned is completed to satisfaction. The consent to living as a slave is all that is required. After that, no consent is necessary.

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Self Discipline

Over the next few posts, I am going to be writing about this all important subject. Too often, we overlook the common qualities which lead to success. In my estimation, this is one of them.

Many of the self-help experts tout the benefits of discipline. Here is one of those subjects that I think we need to examine for the fact that it applies equally to the life of BDSM. As I often state, we are not exempt from life simply because we enter into this lifestyle. Many feel that success in the BDSM world is somehow magically different from the traditional. It is not. The same common sense techniques apply since life is still life.

What Is Self Discipline?

Simply put, self-discipline is the ability for one to get him or herself to take action regardless of the emotional state one is presently in. In other words, it is doing what needs to be done in spite of how you feel. This basic topic holds the key to most of success in life.

All relationships are based upon what we do. Many feel that feelings, emotions, and other qualities are what it important. It is not. What is important is what you do. Overlooking this fact while focusing on something else is a decision that leads to conflict.

For example, a man can love his wife but that means nothing if he cheats on her. Here the action overrides the feeling. The same can be said for the person who takes his or her wife for granted. While the feelings of love might exist, so too will resentment.

Actions are the way we express to the outer world what is going on within us. A BDSM relationship is no different than any other because we are dealing with two people afflicted with the human condition. The fact that we are in a power exchange situation does not change the basic makeup of a person. We all have feelings that cloud our thinking at time. Fear, anger, frustration, and resentment are just as much a part of the slave's life as a woman married for 10 years. Again, we are not exempt from life.

Discipline In BDSM

Discipline is a big part of the BDSM culture. This is a lifestyle that tends to be more overt about it being an aspect of our daily life. It is not uncommon for one to be chastised for his/her behavior. Action of this nature is not only accepted but, rather, expected. A dominant one who omits this is not fulfilling his/her responsibility.

However, I will state that my experience is that disciplining a sub/slave is not on the top of a dominant's list of favorite things to do. Over time, emotions grow between two people. Few care to discipline those that he or she truly cares for. We know it is necessary but having to do this on a regular basis becomes burdensome. Most of you are aware that I detest micromanaging a slave. This is something that I cannot stand doing. For that reason, in my household, a slave needs to be able to handle things on her own.

Self-discipline is the key that ties all this together. Since I am not looking over her shoulder consistently, she needs to have the ability to get herself to take action. Certainly, one might take the mindset that her motivation comes from the fact that I will punish her for failure to complete the assigned tasks. In this instance her motivation comes from outside of her. However, that is rarely the case. In my household, there are things that need tending to without me assigning it. Her desire to serve me completely is a motivating factor. Of course, there are times when she simply doesnt feel like doing what is required. This is where being a self-motivator enters the picture. Many tasks, if left unfulfilled, will not even be noticed by me. In other words, she could get away without doing them. However, as one who desires serving in the best way she can, she knows that failure to complete the necessary tasks reflects upon me. Her internal desire to excel in this life is what serves to create the desire to move forward. It is an internal push.

Ultimately, self discipline is a more powerful factor than anything that can come from the outside. Have a Dom/Master push you to complete tasks is a benefit to this lifestyle. However, over time, a submissive one needs to adopt the mindset for herself. Anyone who is continually having to micromanage another gets worn out in my experience. Being the one in charge of a relationship bears a major responsibility. Having to oversee the most minor details will ultimately lead to a breakdown between the two parties. Again, I do not feel that being dominant means one wants to babysit. Self discipline is a sign of emotional development. We all have things in life that we do not want to do but must. Only a child whines about not wanting to do it. An adult goes ahead, takes action, and moves on.

Hopefully now you can begin to see how important self discipline is to our lives within and outside of BDSM.

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