The Extreme

Like everything else in life, the BDSM community is a variation of degrees. There is what is considered "light bondage" which is at the less severe end of the spectrum. Going to the opposite extreme, we find hardcore M/s relationships where nothing is off limits. And, of course, there are variations in between. The question is, where do you fit?

Many seem to picture the extreme in their mind. This is due to the fact that this side of the lifestyle is promoted through imagery online. Websites like to go for the "shock value" when promoting their goods and services. Nevertheless, there is some basis in reality for what they promote.

The Master/slave relationship is considered one of the more extreme aspects of this way of life. At the core of this interaction is the complete exchange of power. Those who choose to engage in this particular flavor need to be aware of the limitations (or lack thereof). Many claim to be slave material yet fail miserably when asked to do something. This is why it is important to know where you fit.

I wrote on a number of occasions how I believe only a few are truly cut out to be slaves. A cruise around different chat rooms quickly reveals the fantasy many are engaging in. While they claim that living real time M/s is their dream, they fail to realize what that entails. If one is open to dwelling in the extreme, one better be prepared for what that is like. Sadly, few do.

A true M/s relationship means that the Master (or Mistress) is to be obeyed at all times. There is no limit to what one is willing to do. There is debate within the lifestyle of whether there is such a thing as hard limits or not. For practicality sake, I am going to omit this argument and presume there are some hard limits. However, they exist, in my mind, only as to the psychological damage they can cause. In the end, physical pain and lack of interest do not qualify as a hard limits.

Are you willing to do whatever you are told? Again, this is the foundation of M/s. Will you obey the directives of the one you submit to without question? Are you willing to suffer the consequences as a result of being disobedient? Can you be trusted to respect the tenets of this relationship while living under his or her domain?

Here are some of the actual directions I have heard given to a slave over the years:

-having sex with animals
-piecing oneself
-being branded
-sexually satisfying a homeless guy(s)
-being ignored for weeks on end
-eating shit/drinking piss
-engaging in suspension
-not cumming for over a year
-sleeping in a cage or on the floor
-living like a dog (or pony)
-having to give up your career/job
-all possessions given up including children
-exposing yourself on demand regardless of where and whom is around
-being passed around sexually for the pleasure of others
-watching your Master or Mistress with others
-Being humiliated in public
-Getting embarrassing tattoos
-Engaging in homosexual sex acts when you are straight
-physical pain include cbt, titty torture, whippings, and paddlings
-Partaking in electrical, needle, and medical play

All these activities were actually directed at a slave. Could you fulfill these if asked? Are you sitting there stating "No, I would never do that"? If so, you might want to look at the choices you make. The M/s lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. It is considered extreme for a reason.

The comeback I often hear is that "I will not get with someone who is into those things". My reply is simply "that is not your choice". A Master (Mistress) is in complete control. Whatever he or she desires is your course of action. Over time, that person can evolve and develop whatever interests he or she chooses. Are you ready to accept what they are? I surmise that most "online slaves" are ill-prepared for this reality.

BDSM is not a romantic fairy-tale. It is the lifestyle answer for many of us. However, people will get into trouble when they try to make it into something it is not. The story of Cinderella was already written. BDSM relationships might have the romantic component. Then again, they might not. It is up to the Master (Mistress) to decide.


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Obedience-The Most Basic Premise

Obedience is what a slave is rated upon. Yet many seem to think that it is their place to manipulate and decide what their Master should do. Some think that it is a proper way to approach the lifestyle. I tend to disagree. There is nothing appealing about a slave who ignores what she is suppose to do. If that is what you want, go live a traditional lifestyle.

I have encountered my share of disobedient slaves. It seems that most of them are from the "online" community. This is just more proof how most of those who are online are not living in reality. Their idea of M/s is complete fantasy.

When one is online, it is easy to ignore her Master. Any directives that are given can be set aside with a simple "yes I did it". How is a Master to know when he is hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away? Many times He only has the word of the slave to go on. Sometimes she will follow the directive, other times she will not.

This all changes when the move to the real world is made. In real time, there are ways that a Master has to uncover the truth. If He asks if the dishes are completed, a surprise visit will reveal whether they were or not. There is a much greater chance to "get caught" in real time.

Those who understand what it truly means to be a slave will not engage in this behavior. There are some who faithfully do everything a Master says while online. These are the ones who have an easy transition to real time. They understand the premise of obedience to their Masters. It is a simple premise for someone who truly wants to serve.

I repeatedly state that the percentage of people cut out for the M/s lifestyle is minimal. It is not for the weak. The total exchange of power is something that few can honestly handle. It goes completely against the conditioning of society. Most people cling to their personal power and cannot give it up. They want this way of life yet are simply incapable of crossing the line of total surrender. It takes a special person to be able to do that.

The contrast to one who is truly committed to being a slave and to one who is playing games is astounding. I recently chatted with one who I knew from a few years ago. She is in a M/s relationship fulfilling her inner desire. She made a great sacrifice to choose this way of life (including leaving her children with her sister). I didn't need to chat with her too long to hear her happiness at her situation. Also, I could hear the level of submission she has for her Master. Everything is about him. Her entire life revolves around the serving of him. Her entire being is for his use and no other. That is what a true slave is. She gets it.

Naturally, this is a rarity. Most who operate online are just playing games. I believe that almost all are fake online. This is equally true for slaves as for Masters. They are all pretenders. Their idea of M/s is to live in the traditional world while playing Master (or slave) online. In the case of the slave, obedience is a factor when something is convenient. This destroys one of the fundamental pillars of the M/s relationship. People like this should remain online since their chance of success is minimal in real time.

M/s has no place for manipulation from a slave. If she truly desires something, she should bring that request to her Master. He will then decide if it is something that He wants her to have. Whatever the decision, a good slave will be happy with whatever the outcome. Her Master has a reason for all He decides. It is not up to her to influence the decision. An obedient slave will accept the decision as rule. That is the degree that this lifestyle goes to. It is not for the faint of heart.

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Ruining One's Plans

A slave is there to serve her Master. It is her job to make his life easier. She is there to support him in whatever he wants to accomplish. Her position is determined by him in whatever capacity he sees her fulfilling. This is the essence of the lifestyle.

I have witnessed (an experienced) a complete ruining of plans because of a slave. There were times when she decided something else was more important. Or because of personal issues she decided to act in a way that totally changed what was occurring. Either way this is inappropriate behavior.

A slave's place is to serve. Her wishes and desires are placed secondary to her Masters. While she might claim to think of her Master's wants, often people are thinking of themselves.

I am still amazed that some believe they are acting properly when they are requesting or expressing their desires. While a Master might open this forum up to a slave, there is a line which is easily crossed. Causing a Master upset and anger is not what serving is all about. It is showing the fear, self-centeredness, and misfocus on the part of her.

Disappointment is a fact in the lifestyle. Masters are a whimsical bunch who will operate from a different perspective. The quicker a slave realizes her place, the easier it is for all involved.

Disobedience on the part of a slave should never be tolerated. A slave who defies her Master deserves harsh treatment to correct her action. At the same time, a slave who acts up because she wants something is behaving in a manner that merits equal punishment. It is not a slave's place to attempt to "control from the bottom". This goes against the very notion of service.

A slave can ruin many plans for a Master. Since she is often not privy to his ideas, this can occur in ways she is not even aware of. Her place is to wait until her Master reveals to her what his thoughts are. Not the other way around.

Manipulation is a dangerous game to play. I understand that a slave will often not realize this is what she is doing. However, many times I watched a slave try to make a Master feel guilty about something he is doing (or not doing). Guilt of one of the oldest manipulation tools there is. Knowingly or unknowingly, a slave will fall into the habit of using this technique to get what she wants.

Service is a slave's place. Her position is one of obedience. Many cannot extreme power breakdown this life creates. Instead, they wish it otherwise while trying to make it that way. Daily reflection upon your actions is helpful. Acting in ways that ruin a Master's plans will cause heartache on all fronts.

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Willingness versus Ability

Many who are new to the lifestyle are concerned about their ability to serve the One they are with. This is a natural reaction since the desire to please is so great. However, I feel that ability is secondary to willingness. At least this is true initially.

Each person is different in terms of their skills, background, and experiences. It is unfair to expect someone new to the lifestyle to perform the same as one who has years of experience. This is true in all aspects of life. Some learn rather quickly while others take a little longer. The key, for me, it is to have a sub/slave progress at a rate that is proper for her.

I found that ability is not what determines one's success in serving. What is the determining factor is the willingness that one has each day. A sub/slave who is unwilling will not be successful. I often wonder why one got into the lifestyle each time I encounter someone like this.

The actions that one is expected to take can be taught. Over time, I can show a sub/slave exactly what I want done. Yet, the willingness to serve is something that I cannot provide. I believe this is a trait that is ingrained in that person which I simply help to uncover.

So, when I get with someone who is new, this is the first area that I focus my attention on. It is the willingness that seems to make the difference.