Fantasy Versus Reality

We have all met people who tend to not be firmly grounded in reality. In many ways they are of benefit to society because they are the dreamers of the world. Nothing great was ever accomplished by a conformist. It is always those people who stray from the normal mode of looking at things who discover things that were not seen before. This goes for inventors, adventurers, researchers, business people, and, even, parents. Doing things differently requires one to 'break the rules'.

Fine Line

As with most things, there is a fine line that one must walk. It is a constant battle when one navigates the tight path between genius and insane. While most seek to operate at the genius level, when breaking from the traditional, it is easy to fall into the insane. It is very easy to lose track of reality.

We see this all the time in the BDSM world, especially when we focus upon the online community. One does not have to travel to far to discover some unsuspecting new person who is completely disconnected from reality. Perhaps he or she read a science fiction novel and believes that is the basis for living as a slave. Or, it is probable that some of the imagery of the porn industry is fresh in that person's mind also leading to a conclusion that this is how the lifestyle is. In talking with these types of individuals, it is easy to see how disconnected from reality they are.

Of course, that does not mean that there are not attributes of the fantasy world that cannot be implemented. We all fantasize to one degree or another. Within the BDSM community, it is common for these thoughts to exist for both sexual and power based activities. Fortunately, as I see it, this is a realm which does allow us to pursue our fantasies in a safe manner. Nevertheless, this cannot be confused with reality.

Dealing With People

BDSM is a microcosm of society in general. Many people seem to think they are exiting the normal realm when they enter this lifestyle. This is not the Twilight Zone where one steps into another dimension. Life is still life. And, because of such, everything we do is nothing more than an exercise in dealing with people.

This is a concept that is often lost, mostly by the online crowd. Ignoring the total fakes for a moment, it is important to remember that the entity on the other end is a person with feelings. The fact that the Internet is so impersonal leads many to forget that one's actions will have an effect. The things we do and say have the power to harm another. I cannot stress this idea enough.

I often write the most important part of the term 'BDSM relationship' is the word relationship. It is easy to focus upon the kneeling, whips, chains, and the protocol of servitude. However, as those of us who lived in real time know, this is only a small part of our existence. At the same time, many of the aspects of the world of fantasy are simply impractical in real life. For example, can you imagine a slave kneeling when a Master approaches in the middle of Walmart? Obviously, this might garner some attention especially if that couple has children. The same idea holds when one refers to toy collections or playrooms within the house. How practical is having that stuff around when your family visits or if small children are in the house? In my experience, few families are so open-minded to be able to see this (and I know for a fact that children services arent very open-minded about things).

Therefore, since we are dealing with people, it is crucial that one take a realistic approach to BDSM. The simple truth is that all the world's problems will not disappear simply because you found a new way to structure your relationships. Everything that we deal with, medical, financial, and family, are still present in our lives. This is reality. We also need to behave in manners that are befitting the people we are dealing with. If one makes a commitment to another, it is vital this is met. We often find ourselves in situations which decisions are made about one's life based upon our promises. To not fulfill them is going to inflict harm upon another that is outside our rights. Doing everything possible to ensure we keep our promises is another aspect of reality that few want to deal with.

Adding Some Fantasy

A central part of the BDSM lifestyle is growth. All relationships require growth of both the individuals and the couple if it is going to last long term. Again, we see some fantastic opportunities within the BDSM world for this. Since we are into many genres that are so different from the mainstream, one really has the ability to increase his or her skills.

I find that as people remain in the BDSM life, they tend to gravitate towards the more extreme nature of things. My personal opinion is that this is natural since we tend to be inquisitive folks who dont just accept what society promotes without questioning. If that were the case, we probably would never have started the search to begin with. Therefore, as we become proficient in one area, we tend to look towards other things. This is the progression of personal growth.

Does that mean everyone gets into the behavior that is promoted by the porn industry? Of course not. However, for those who are drawn to some of what they see, there is no reason why those 'fantasies' cannot be implemented into those people's lives. Naturally, safety is always the top concern but for those who are able to do so, it is a wonderful way to enhance their BDSM experiences. Maintaining a strong footing in reality while adding a bit of fantasy to one's relationship is always a healthy thing to do.

Have a great holiday weekend everyone.

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Society's Acceptance

In case you missed it, society is not exactly accepting of people leading alternative lifestyles. The basic premise of that people should follow the existing dogma. Obedience is what is desired. Your personal happiness is not relevant to the majority of the population. Everyone has an agenda. It is crucial that we all remember that.

Our Loved Ones: The Worst

It is sad but usually the strongest opinions come from those who are closest to us. Most will proclaim they 'only want us to be happy'. However, I challenge you to do something that goes against their beliefs and you will see what the real meaning of this is. What people often are saying is 'I want you to be happy as long as you are doing what I believe you should be doing'.

This theory is tested regularly by teenagers all over the world. However, they are not the only ones who need to be spitting in the face of conventional wisdom. Sadly, there is always an agenda and it is meant to control you. Look at the religious bodies; many of them are intent on pushing their ideas upon you. Parents have a similar outlook; most parents are intolerant of alternative choices of an offspring. This is reality and to deny it is foolhardy.

BDSM: One Path to Freedom

To me, BDSM is about freedom. Any time a person makes a choice that goes against the traditional model, that person is exercising an option to live as he or she sees fit. This is what freedom means. Slavery is living according to how others decide. This is not what mankind was meant to do. I believe that our internal fibers seek to live in accordance to what is within us.

Understanding that most of society behaves like obedient slaves is paramount to comprehending what occurs. To start, many are jealous of someone living in a way that makes them happy. There are so many people who are miserable and find it easier to rip someone else down as opposed to improving their lives. These people share the same blood line with us in many instances. This means their own happiness is transferred to us if allowed.

BDSM is a private affair. This may seem strange when posting on a public forum. However, the truth is that people should keep their private affairs to themselves. It is no one's business how you choose to structure your relationship. Many enter this way of life and want to tell everyone what they found. This is a bad move. Most seem to find an unexpected backlash. It is your freedom that is important. Allow others to live as they see fit. Concentrate your efforts upon your own life. This is what BDSM is all about.

Courage

It takes courage to search out and find what makes you happy. It also requires tremendous strength to follow that path once you find it. BDSM is not something for those who are weak. Many seem to believe that people who live this way, especially submissives, do so out of weakness. This is incorrect. While many will enter this life from that place, those who succeed are not weak. Strength is evident in every true sub/slave I ever met. Simple consider the potential backlash from loved ones to decide how easy a choice it is. Many have to make extremely tough decisions and leave situations that are fairly comfortable. Courage is their only ally in many instances.

Society knows that it is not easy to face these decisions. Every step of the way, it uses guilt to tear down one's confidence. When one's self esteem is low enough, then it is simple to control that person. And this is exactly what society does. Those who fear being pointed out as different blindly obey whatever dogma is handed to them. Few ever question what those beliefs are. Instead, they simply accept it as true and follow that path. Individuality is erased and replaced. One is nothing more than a conformist.

Therefore, to excel in the BDSM lifestyle, one needs to be an individual. Conforming to a set of beliefs that are never questioned is not what we are about. Each of us needs to take a path that makes sense in our own minds. To do this we risk being ostracized by those who we love. Nevertheless, it is what is often required for us to find our own happiness and fulfillment.

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