Being Fit...Very Impactful

The Internet has done a wonderful job promoting the imagery associated with the BDSM lifestyle. While much of it is fantasy based, it is safe to say that sites like kink.com captured the imagination of many people. The idea of being part of a dungeon scene, for example, is attractive to many people. Concepts such as these are developed with the intention of grabbing people in this manner. Of course, most of these sites want to sell their videos but, nonetheless, the impression is made.

Physical Imagery

BDSM videos contain a great deal of imagery. I am a believer that this is one of the reasons why they sell so well. People are seeking the fantasy in their lives. At the same time, I also believe that what goes on in our heads can also be achieved in our lives. Thus, people can carry out many different aspects of the BDSM scenes they see in movies. The only caveat is that safety needs consideration at all times.

I see so many online who are simply out of shape. Why is this important? My view is that the imagery that attracts us online will also be helpful in a relationship. In other words, people respond to what they see and the more one can mirror the image in one's mind, the more effective he or she will be.

There are a lot of dominants out there who are physically weak. They have bodies that were created by Dunkin Donuts as opposed to Gold's Gym. Their level of exercise is none. Instead of taking care of themselves, they sit on the couch and stuff their faces. Yet, these same people claim to be in control. How can that be if one cannot even control what he or she eats? Of course, I will issue the disclaimer so as not to offend those who do have medical conditions which prevent weight loss. Anyone who fits into this category needs to follow the proper medical care. However, since reports have the obesity rate reaching the majority of adults, I find it hard to believe all of them suffer from this condition.

Getting back to the subject at hand, the reason why I feel it necessary for a dominant to be mindful of his/her body is because of the assumption of the position of power. In all honesty, do you think a submissive will respond more to one who is visually built like a Greek God or one who is 150 pounds overweight? In terms of the imagery, he or she will respond to the one who is better built.

Now, that is not to say that all of us can get a chiseled body. Nevertheless, almost all of us can do those things which will improve our physical appearance. Walking will take off a few pounds while increasing our cardio ability. This improves endurance during a BDSM scene. In all, it makes the experience more pleasurable for a submissive.

At the same time, it is equally as important for a submissive to approach things in the same manner. Getting back to the videos, how many of them do you see with women being suspended who are really overweight? The answer is very few. Again, the image presented is an ideal that we all can strive for.

The health benefits of being in shape are too numerous to list here. However, the point is that one who takes the time to get him or herself in better physical condition will be more effective in the search for others. Also, the pride in taking care of oneself, whether dominant or submissive, shows that you are a person worthy for one to get involved with. The impact that one has with a finely tuned body is outstanding. Consider this the next time you put on that leather vest. Imagine how your sub/slave will respond if it covers a barrel chest and tight abs.

Emotional Control

While the physical is important, it is not enough to develop a relationship. We all have met those people who are physically beautiful but very ugly inside. Just because a person is fit and/or good-looking does not mean they are candidates for any type of intimate relationship. This is where the emotional needs enter into the picture.

The BDSM world is full of abusive jerks. These are the people who have the ability to really hurt ones who fall for their garbage. Just because one is submissive, that does not mean she is weak and meant to be abused. Anyone who used BDSM as a guise for physical or psychological abuse is a rat. The lifestyle is not about that.

Nor is one in a position of dominance if he or she cannot control him/herself. I have already mentioned the idea of being out of control in terms of feeding oneself. However, there is another area that many people are completely off the wall and yet few seem to mention it. This is the emotional arena and it is what makes or breaks relationships.

So many dominants behave as if they are bipolar. They simply lack any emotional control in any area of life. These are the people who yell at the girl at the checkout counter. People of this sort make terrible Doms/Masters because of the fact that they are lacking within themselves. Usually, people who have this outlook suffer from low self-esteem. Their behavor is a means of compensation for the internal lack. It is not a situation that will work out well for a submissive. Instead, she often becomes the focus of his/her insecurity. In the end, it is not a pretty picture.

We have all witnessed a grown person behaving like a child in public. This is another example of imagery, only this time it puts us off. The impact of this person's behavior is negative. A lack of control, especially on the part of the dominant one, is a sign of weakness. To me, it should be a warning sign of things to come. I find that it is not very long before things come to a head and this person explodes. The world is full of these people and you do not want one of them as a Dom/Master.

Contrast this with the image of the person who is always "calm, cool, and collected". We see many people in the movies who are this way. No matter what the situation, they always have their heads on straight. Their confidence is overwhelming. The heroines are attracted to men of this ilk because they provide the emotional stability to get them through all circumstances. In this regard, reality matches the fantasy. A submissive wants to be able to depend upon a dominant one. However, to do this, that person needs to be emotionally consistent. If not, the sub has to play the guessing game which is impossible to win. A life based upon this will mean she ends up continually "walking on eggshells". This is not a fun existence.

Therefore, hold onto your imagery. The BDSM lifestyle is one where you are free to choose what you desire. All avenues are open to you. The key is to make the proper choices for what fits your needs. Implant the image of what you want in your head and work towards bringing it into reality. There is no reason why you cannot do this. However, before focusing outward, take a look at yourself. How fit are you both physically and emotionally? If you are lacking in either area, perhaps it is time to get started on correcting those shortcomings. Trust me when I tell you focusing on these two areas is very impactful.

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When The Rubber Meets The Road

There are many pretenders out there. We all know that. The Internet is a doubled edged sword when it comes to meeting people for BDSM: it allows for access to far greater number of people while enabling people to assume any persona they desire. In the end, what is really known about a person is they are text on a screen. There is nothing more unless there is some other form of communication.

Many will take exception with this viewpoint. They claim there are people behind those usernames and characters. That is true, there is someone with a heartbeat. However, that is where the truth ends. Everything else is up for debate. For example, is the person male or female? Is he/she married or single? Does that person really weight 105 pounds or is she 205? None of these answers can really be known unless there is more than online interaction. (In my book An Owned Life, I dedicate a section to the difference between online and real time)

When it comes to BDSM, there seems to be a lot of play out there (and not the good play). I heard so many tales of woe that I am stunned each time I hear about the gullibility of people. People seem to give all they have to people they never even spoke to. And then when things go awry, they are crushed like they lost something real. The truth is that they were played.

Online is not real. I write this all the time. Too many want to make it seem like there is something there when a "relationship" forms. This is not the case. While I acknowledge the Internet is a fabulous way to "break the ice", any relationship that does not move to any form of human interaction is bound to crack. The foundation is most likely built upon a lie.

Whenever I "meet" people online that I am interested in moving into some form of real time, I immediately begin the human process. This starts usually with a phone call. This is a mechanism which is more personal than online and allows for one to gain a greater knowledge of the person. For example, you might hear children in the background (warning sign if you were told he/she is single with no kids). The voice tells a great deal about a person. And you can learn if they are shy or outgoing. These things cannot be learned through chatting online.

When the "rubber meets the road" do you really know what you are dealing with in the person you are chatting with online? Unfortunately, it is only when a desperate situation arises will the truth be revealed. Are you able to count on this person? Is he/she going to be there for you when you are in need? Most likely not based upon the percentages.

Each time I hear one of the heartbreaking stories, I always reflect upon the missed signs. Dishonesty and manipulation are obvious if you know what you are looking for. The rule is that is something seems amiss, it probably is. So often I hear that a Dom/Master can only call at certain times. Why would this be? Perhaps it is because he/she has a spouse they are hiding. Do you have a phone or an address for this person? Or were they hidden from you by some excuse. Does their name come up on a search engine in that town? Most people are involved in some type of organization that will have records or rosters listed online. The point is that a little research will uncover a lot.

Common sense is lacking when it comes to online. People will not tolerate certain behaviors in person yet they fall completely for the manipulation online. For those who do this, they are mostly saddened when the truth comes out. Dishonesty is the prevailing trait in the virtual world. It is just too easy to assume another persona. Be forewarned the next time you are chatting with someone. All is probably not as it appears.

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