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3 years ago
January 30, 2010
An Owned Life Social Site
,
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
The Bridge
,
There is great dispute about the validity of online relationships and interaction in the BDSM community. I am not going into that debate here (my regular readers know what my thoughts are there).
Regardless of your outlook, there is no denying that many real time BDSM relationships start as online. In fact, I would surmise that most fall into this category. Even those people who live in the same town use the Internet to search people out. There are many who live in my local community with whom I have chatted with but never met. It is ironic that we use the World Wide Web to meet someone 10 minutes down the road.
Online interaction has an extreme value. It allows for parties to learn about each other while exchanging ideas. Many take on the particular roles of the relationship mimicking real time. Familiarity grows as both people start to understand each other.
Sadly, this is as far as many interactions go. Now, to be clear, I am going to be talking about those circumstances where both parties are real and truly interested in BDSM. I am going to ignore those who are online playing games since there is not a lot to say about those people other than to avoid them.
My feeling is that it is necessary to bridge the relationship from online into real time. Few have the ability to move immediately from one culture to the other. Often, logistics play a role in the delayed transition. Some of these ideas might help to smooth the way.
A lot of this is going to seem like common sense but, as we know, often that goes out the window in BDSM. Here are a few ideas that will help you to transition into real time.
1. Move to personalize the online relationship:
Interaction online is nothing but characters and words. As a starting point this is fine. However, use the technology available to move towards a more "real" communication. This can start with the exchanging of pictures (again presuming it is really you and not a super model you clipped) sent via email or photo sharing.
Web cams is another way to communicate and not just for sexual play. Being able to see someone when chatting with them adds another level of intimacy. It allows you to learn about the person with your eyes. For example, I was chatting with someone one time while she was on cam and her cat walked behind her. Instantly, I knew her choice in pets.
Exchange websites and pictures of things that interest you. BDSM is a relationship so you better have more in common than just sex. Stumble, Reddit, and Digg allow you to share sites of things that interest you. Do this to seek commonality with your goals and life plans.
2. Do not forget Ma Bell.
The next step is to utilize traditional technologies to enhance your interaction. Here we can exchange phone numbers and use the plain old telephone system. Nothing shifts something from the virtual to the real like a phone call. This is a way we have communicated since we were children. Hearing someone's voices adds another layer to the revelation of the other person (and yourself).
As a side note, exchanging a phone number could be a risky proposition especially if you are female. Therefore, perhaps you consider utilizing Skype or Yahoo Instant Messenger talk features. This is a real time phone conversation with the safety of the Internet provided.
3. Get face-to-face.
This is the final leg of the endeavor. At some point, you need to meet in person. Relationships that lack this component do not fulfill the needs of both parties. Many of us have those friends from school who we still talk to but never see since they live across the country. There still is a relationship but it is rather empty.
A face-to-face meeting can be a "date" if you are local with each other or a short visit if from out of town. It is best to spend a few days with each other to get to know one another a little better. Obviously, logistics can come into play again but it is a way to take the relationship one step closer to real time.
These ideas should help you move forward in the BDSM world. Of course, following this process will uncover some of the fakes that exist online. Take note whenever you see hesitation from one when seeking to move to the next level. This could well be a warning sign that something is amiss.
Another word of caution. Be patient with this process. Resist the temptation to move headlong into this especially if you are the one who will be in a vulnerable position. Each of these steps needs to be taken after a reasonable period of time is established. Again, it is crucial to have some idea who you are dealing with. Each phase will reveal more to and about you. However, be certain to not advance too rapidly where you might put yourself in a vulnerable position.
Try some of these suggestions to move your relationship past "virtual". Online can be a lot of fun but at some point it needs to move out of the chatroom.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
Regardless of your outlook, there is no denying that many real time BDSM relationships start as online. In fact, I would surmise that most fall into this category. Even those people who live in the same town use the Internet to search people out. There are many who live in my local community with whom I have chatted with but never met. It is ironic that we use the World Wide Web to meet someone 10 minutes down the road.
Online interaction has an extreme value. It allows for parties to learn about each other while exchanging ideas. Many take on the particular roles of the relationship mimicking real time. Familiarity grows as both people start to understand each other.
Sadly, this is as far as many interactions go. Now, to be clear, I am going to be talking about those circumstances where both parties are real and truly interested in BDSM. I am going to ignore those who are online playing games since there is not a lot to say about those people other than to avoid them.
My feeling is that it is necessary to bridge the relationship from online into real time. Few have the ability to move immediately from one culture to the other. Often, logistics play a role in the delayed transition. Some of these ideas might help to smooth the way.
A lot of this is going to seem like common sense but, as we know, often that goes out the window in BDSM. Here are a few ideas that will help you to transition into real time.
1. Move to personalize the online relationship:
Interaction online is nothing but characters and words. As a starting point this is fine. However, use the technology available to move towards a more "real" communication. This can start with the exchanging of pictures (again presuming it is really you and not a super model you clipped) sent via email or photo sharing.
Web cams is another way to communicate and not just for sexual play. Being able to see someone when chatting with them adds another level of intimacy. It allows you to learn about the person with your eyes. For example, I was chatting with someone one time while she was on cam and her cat walked behind her. Instantly, I knew her choice in pets.
Exchange websites and pictures of things that interest you. BDSM is a relationship so you better have more in common than just sex. Stumble, Reddit, and Digg allow you to share sites of things that interest you. Do this to seek commonality with your goals and life plans.
2. Do not forget Ma Bell.
The next step is to utilize traditional technologies to enhance your interaction. Here we can exchange phone numbers and use the plain old telephone system. Nothing shifts something from the virtual to the real like a phone call. This is a way we have communicated since we were children. Hearing someone's voices adds another layer to the revelation of the other person (and yourself).
As a side note, exchanging a phone number could be a risky proposition especially if you are female. Therefore, perhaps you consider utilizing Skype or Yahoo Instant Messenger talk features. This is a real time phone conversation with the safety of the Internet provided.
3. Get face-to-face.
This is the final leg of the endeavor. At some point, you need to meet in person. Relationships that lack this component do not fulfill the needs of both parties. Many of us have those friends from school who we still talk to but never see since they live across the country. There still is a relationship but it is rather empty.
A face-to-face meeting can be a "date" if you are local with each other or a short visit if from out of town. It is best to spend a few days with each other to get to know one another a little better. Obviously, logistics can come into play again but it is a way to take the relationship one step closer to real time.
These ideas should help you move forward in the BDSM world. Of course, following this process will uncover some of the fakes that exist online. Take note whenever you see hesitation from one when seeking to move to the next level. This could well be a warning sign that something is amiss.
Another word of caution. Be patient with this process. Resist the temptation to move headlong into this especially if you are the one who will be in a vulnerable position. Each of these steps needs to be taken after a reasonable period of time is established. Again, it is crucial to have some idea who you are dealing with. Each phase will reveal more to and about you. However, be certain to not advance too rapidly where you might put yourself in a vulnerable position.
Try some of these suggestions to move your relationship past "virtual". Online can be a lot of fun but at some point it needs to move out of the chatroom.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 28, 2010
Taking Time
,
I am always amazed at how newer people believe they need to rush headfirst into this way of life. As I travel around the web, I see many who just learned of the existence of this lifestyle only to find they are "owned" or "owning" someone a short time later. This is insane to me.
For me, I find that analogies work very well to help clarify thinking. The easiest way I can do this is to contrast this way of life to the traditional model. In this instance, the comparison works well.
Let me ask you: how old is the average person before they get married? Is it 16, 18, 21, or older? At the same time, how long does one typically date before they enter into marriage? 1 month, 6 months, a year, or longer? I will admit I do not know the answers to these questions. However, I believe that the average age of marriage is closer to 25 and people are probably together for 1-2 years before marrying.
One other parallel that I want to draw. How long is someone in the traditional lifestyle before they end up in wedlock? Again, if we presume the average marrying age is roughly 25, and people enter puberty in their early teens, we can conclude that one has approximately 10 years experience with the dating scene before settling down.
How does this all come into play with BDSM? The point that I am making is that few people enter into their first relationship as a young teenager and end up in a lifelong committed relationship after a few weeks. Yet, this is exactly what seems to happen in the BDSM arena. People suddenly find out this way of life exists and they are intent on getting with someone pronto. Is it any wonder that a train wreck usually ensues?
My suggestion is that people take their time to educate themselves and to understand what this life is all about. For some there is a built in buffer since they have responsibilities to attend to from previous lifestyle choices. Others have the freedom to adopt whatever they want immediately. Regardless of the situation, everyone should take the necessary time to develop a thorough comprehension about how we live. Spending time as a "free agent" is a healthy practice.
Online can be a wonderful resource to learn the basic ideas about the lifestyle. Also, interacting with others who "live" this way of life is helpful to get their input on things. However, I must caution about putting too much stock into one person's opinion. The truth is that you cannot be sure that you are dealing with someone who really lives this way of life. There are a lot of pretenders running around on the web. Taking time to learn will enable you to sniff out those who are playing games.
Relationships are about developing bonds. Take your time to interact with people you find online. Seek to move those relationships forward by getting off the computer and into real time human interaction. This would be face-to-face contact if in the same area or, at a minimum, telephone interaction. After this is done, then you can see where the relationship starts to progress. If there is a connection, then forward progress will be made. But the need to rush headlong into something is ill-founded. Resist this temptation.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
For me, I find that analogies work very well to help clarify thinking. The easiest way I can do this is to contrast this way of life to the traditional model. In this instance, the comparison works well.
Let me ask you: how old is the average person before they get married? Is it 16, 18, 21, or older? At the same time, how long does one typically date before they enter into marriage? 1 month, 6 months, a year, or longer? I will admit I do not know the answers to these questions. However, I believe that the average age of marriage is closer to 25 and people are probably together for 1-2 years before marrying.
One other parallel that I want to draw. How long is someone in the traditional lifestyle before they end up in wedlock? Again, if we presume the average marrying age is roughly 25, and people enter puberty in their early teens, we can conclude that one has approximately 10 years experience with the dating scene before settling down.
How does this all come into play with BDSM? The point that I am making is that few people enter into their first relationship as a young teenager and end up in a lifelong committed relationship after a few weeks. Yet, this is exactly what seems to happen in the BDSM arena. People suddenly find out this way of life exists and they are intent on getting with someone pronto. Is it any wonder that a train wreck usually ensues?
My suggestion is that people take their time to educate themselves and to understand what this life is all about. For some there is a built in buffer since they have responsibilities to attend to from previous lifestyle choices. Others have the freedom to adopt whatever they want immediately. Regardless of the situation, everyone should take the necessary time to develop a thorough comprehension about how we live. Spending time as a "free agent" is a healthy practice.
Online can be a wonderful resource to learn the basic ideas about the lifestyle. Also, interacting with others who "live" this way of life is helpful to get their input on things. However, I must caution about putting too much stock into one person's opinion. The truth is that you cannot be sure that you are dealing with someone who really lives this way of life. There are a lot of pretenders running around on the web. Taking time to learn will enable you to sniff out those who are playing games.
Relationships are about developing bonds. Take your time to interact with people you find online. Seek to move those relationships forward by getting off the computer and into real time human interaction. This would be face-to-face contact if in the same area or, at a minimum, telephone interaction. After this is done, then you can see where the relationship starts to progress. If there is a connection, then forward progress will be made. But the need to rush headlong into something is ill-founded. Resist this temptation.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 27, 2010
The Downside To BDSM
,
I often mention that BDSM is a lifestyle. The key word here is life. Those who think that BDSM is a way to avoid this basic concept are in for a rude awakening.
One of the problems with online, in my opinion, is that it allows people to flee from reality. The Internet, by its very definition, is virtual. There are many things that mimic reality but it just is not the same. Nowhere is this more evident than in the BDSM lifestyle. Those who believe that online is real are way off base.
BDSM is a wonderful way to live. However, it is not without it's difficulties. People who live in this lifestyle have to deal with the same trials and tribulations as society in general. We have health, financial, work, family, and relationship issues. In many respects, we are identical to the traditional way of life.
Many seem to want to make BDSM into the fantasy lifestyle they are always seeking. This is nothing more than a Cinderella complex to me. Those who believe that they will live "happily ever after" by entering a BDSM relationship are usually disappointed.
Our days are not filled with the sexual exploits that are depicted online. While we will engage in scenes and alternative sexual practices, most of us find daily responsibilities take their toll. Those seeking to be "taken care of" usually are taken aback when they realize that they are going to have to continue as a responsible adult.
Running away is never a solution. Yet, I encounter so many who claim that this way of life is the answer to all their problems. Sadly, it is not because of the simple fact that they are the source of their problems. Entering the BDSM world will not compensate for poor judgment or interpersonal skills. Being a user and a taker sits no better in this way of life than it does in the traditional. And, belligerent assholes are still belligerent assholes. BDSM will not compensate for shortcomings of character.
The downside to a BDSM relationship is that it takes work. It is not the fairytale that many imagine. All the fantasies created online and in books are smashed when one enters into real time. Sadly, some never let go of the delusions in their mind. This develops another set of problems.
BDSM is not a fantasy. It is a full blown lifestyle with the same everyday problems that exist everywhere else. If you are one who had difficulty with everyone you met in your life, I am going to surmise that you will have the same problems here. BDSM is not going to suddenly give you a likable personality.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
One of the problems with online, in my opinion, is that it allows people to flee from reality. The Internet, by its very definition, is virtual. There are many things that mimic reality but it just is not the same. Nowhere is this more evident than in the BDSM lifestyle. Those who believe that online is real are way off base.
BDSM is a wonderful way to live. However, it is not without it's difficulties. People who live in this lifestyle have to deal with the same trials and tribulations as society in general. We have health, financial, work, family, and relationship issues. In many respects, we are identical to the traditional way of life.
Many seem to want to make BDSM into the fantasy lifestyle they are always seeking. This is nothing more than a Cinderella complex to me. Those who believe that they will live "happily ever after" by entering a BDSM relationship are usually disappointed.
Our days are not filled with the sexual exploits that are depicted online. While we will engage in scenes and alternative sexual practices, most of us find daily responsibilities take their toll. Those seeking to be "taken care of" usually are taken aback when they realize that they are going to have to continue as a responsible adult.
Running away is never a solution. Yet, I encounter so many who claim that this way of life is the answer to all their problems. Sadly, it is not because of the simple fact that they are the source of their problems. Entering the BDSM world will not compensate for poor judgment or interpersonal skills. Being a user and a taker sits no better in this way of life than it does in the traditional. And, belligerent assholes are still belligerent assholes. BDSM will not compensate for shortcomings of character.
The downside to a BDSM relationship is that it takes work. It is not the fairytale that many imagine. All the fantasies created online and in books are smashed when one enters into real time. Sadly, some never let go of the delusions in their mind. This develops another set of problems.
BDSM is not a fantasy. It is a full blown lifestyle with the same everyday problems that exist everywhere else. If you are one who had difficulty with everyone you met in your life, I am going to surmise that you will have the same problems here. BDSM is not going to suddenly give you a likable personality.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 26, 2010
Mistakes
,
It seems many have a misplaced idea about mistakes. Again, this seems to be something where common sense leaves the reservation when dealing with the M/s world.
In any activity, mistakes are the best learning tool. Often, the best
way to become adept at something is to try it and fail. It is through
the failing process that we gain some of the most valuable lessons. It
is a rarity where someone enters a new activity and is proficient at it
immediately. It takes some time to learn what is required. For example,
I am sure Tiger Woods hit a ball or two into the water. Einstein failed
in countless experiments. Lincoln lost numerous elections. Yet all
learned from previous experience to become successful.
A slave learns a great deal from the mistakes she makes. This is where
she gains valuable insight into how her Master would like her to behave. There are many ways to learn, but trial and error seems to be a part of humanity. It is how we best come to understand things. Therefore, mistakes are not something to be feared. They are a welcomed part of the growth process.
Many Masters seem to miss this vital point also. I hear of so many
slaves being punished for making a mistake. While I will grant that
repeated failure can be a sign of disobedience, a single error is not
necessarily cause for this action. I believe the most vital aspect of
any situation is that the slave learns the lesson contained therein. It
is more important to do that than for a Master to inflict punishment. A
mistake is not one acting bad. It is an opportunity to learn.
Again, for any of this to be relevant, a Master first needs to mindset
to lead His slave in the growth process. Unfortunately, many seem to
want to continually stifle the slave's abilities. It seems to be the
only way They feel that control can be maintained.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
In any activity, mistakes are the best learning tool. Often, the best
way to become adept at something is to try it and fail. It is through
the failing process that we gain some of the most valuable lessons. It
is a rarity where someone enters a new activity and is proficient at it
immediately. It takes some time to learn what is required. For example,
I am sure Tiger Woods hit a ball or two into the water. Einstein failed
in countless experiments. Lincoln lost numerous elections. Yet all
learned from previous experience to become successful.
A slave learns a great deal from the mistakes she makes. This is where
she gains valuable insight into how her Master would like her to behave. There are many ways to learn, but trial and error seems to be a part of humanity. It is how we best come to understand things. Therefore, mistakes are not something to be feared. They are a welcomed part of the growth process.
Many Masters seem to miss this vital point also. I hear of so many
slaves being punished for making a mistake. While I will grant that
repeated failure can be a sign of disobedience, a single error is not
necessarily cause for this action. I believe the most vital aspect of
any situation is that the slave learns the lesson contained therein. It
is more important to do that than for a Master to inflict punishment. A
mistake is not one acting bad. It is an opportunity to learn.
Again, for any of this to be relevant, a Master first needs to mindset
to lead His slave in the growth process. Unfortunately, many seem to
want to continually stifle the slave's abilities. It seems to be the
only way They feel that control can be maintained.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 25, 2010
Contracts
,
I read many posts in my travels dealing with contracts for the BDSM lifestyle; specifically the M/s section. Many seem to feel this takes their experience in the lifestyle to another level. Unfortunately, they fail to think of the ramifications of what this means.
They say the best time to plan a divorce is on the honeymoon. This sounds insane but few ever consider what will happen when a relationship ends. Most believe that their present relationship will carry on forever. However, we all know, based upon the divorce statistics, that more than half end in divorce.
A written contract seems like a valid way to further enhance the M/s experience. Nevertheless, it is something that I recommend against. It is crucial to think of how things can turn out if they do go awry.
To start, it is illegal in the United States and Europe to "enslave" someone. We live a life that is consensual in nature. It is impossible to bind someone into something that is illegal to begin with. Therefore, a contract means nothing in that regard.
On the flip side, this contract could be entered into court as evidence of abuse. In fact, there are a number of cases which this is what happened. A couple ended up in divorce court and the "Contract" was entered as evidence against the husband. Needless to say the court was not understanding about the lifestyle. I cannot say for certain, but I am sure that the authorities might take a further look to see if charges are warranted. Neither of these situations is endearing.
The submission that exists in this lifestyle is consensual. We operate a life within the spirit of our actions. There is nothing legally binding about the way we live. Anyone is free to leave at anytime. Slavery is illegal. Period. However, there is a certain spirit that we live by. Those who break it, in my mind, are not worthy of being in this way of life. We have an agreed upon structure and expect those involved to maintain it.
Therefore, no contract is required. My opinion is nothing good can come from writing anything down. Even if things seem rosy now, consider what will happen if a hotshot divorce attorney gets hold of that. You will be raked over the coals. The upside of a contract is limited and the downside infinite.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
They say the best time to plan a divorce is on the honeymoon. This sounds insane but few ever consider what will happen when a relationship ends. Most believe that their present relationship will carry on forever. However, we all know, based upon the divorce statistics, that more than half end in divorce.
A written contract seems like a valid way to further enhance the M/s experience. Nevertheless, it is something that I recommend against. It is crucial to think of how things can turn out if they do go awry.
To start, it is illegal in the United States and Europe to "enslave" someone. We live a life that is consensual in nature. It is impossible to bind someone into something that is illegal to begin with. Therefore, a contract means nothing in that regard.
On the flip side, this contract could be entered into court as evidence of abuse. In fact, there are a number of cases which this is what happened. A couple ended up in divorce court and the "Contract" was entered as evidence against the husband. Needless to say the court was not understanding about the lifestyle. I cannot say for certain, but I am sure that the authorities might take a further look to see if charges are warranted. Neither of these situations is endearing.
The submission that exists in this lifestyle is consensual. We operate a life within the spirit of our actions. There is nothing legally binding about the way we live. Anyone is free to leave at anytime. Slavery is illegal. Period. However, there is a certain spirit that we live by. Those who break it, in my mind, are not worthy of being in this way of life. We have an agreed upon structure and expect those involved to maintain it.
Therefore, no contract is required. My opinion is nothing good can come from writing anything down. Even if things seem rosy now, consider what will happen if a hotshot divorce attorney gets hold of that. You will be raked over the coals. The upside of a contract is limited and the downside infinite.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 23, 2010
Safety In BDSM
,
I knew a girl, who's eyes shown brightly.
Submissive in nature, liked to play nightly,
flames came from her hair, fire from her eyes.
wanting all ways to go that extra mile.
The Dom she found sent a shiver to her soul, his touch
ignited within her, ignited the coals.
Her heat warmed her body, willing to give her all
for she became his that cold sunday morn.
They played hard those days, he had brought a friend,
Her mind went to a place that she wanted not to end.
battered and bruised she was left on the bed,
confusion and turmoil cascaded through her head,
left in her peak, crying out loud, her soul could not
fathom,
to fend for herself the guilt filled her heart,
she had done something wrong, though her all she gave.
She died that day at the end of a cord,
her purpose she had failed, she could no longer live anymore.
A soft word, cool drink, to be held and caressed,
To be told well done, well done little one,
three simple words, a little time spent, in her heart
she would of known her existence well spent.
Her name was Cloe, 21/1/1980-26/10/2007......She fell into the hands of
an untrained Dom. The word aftercare meant nothing to him. The note she
left told of her disgust and pain within for she thought that she had
failed to please.
Indo
This is a post that floated around the Internet. I cannot verify the validity of it or not in terms of whether this actually occurred. However, it does point to the fact of how important safety is in the BDSM community. Many seem to overlook this simple fact when they approach their scenes. This story emphasizes how tragedy can be the result when proper precautions are not undertaken.
Inexperience is not a valid reason for not knowing. It is the responsibility for anyone in a dominant role to educate him or herself about this way of life. This is where the online pretenders can cause great havoc. They believe that reading a few posts and parroting that will make them an expert. Sadly, the leap from online to real time is huge. People do not understand how little online has to do with reality. Those who make the transition without knowledge are dangerous. Too often we see the results mentioned above.
If you are dealing with someone who you are unsure of, thoroughly question him or her to the experience he or she has. This is your life so you have a right to know. And, do not fall for the line "I am a Master so you have no right to ask that". Horsecrap. You have every right to know who you are dealing with. If that person will not reveal it, move on.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
Submissive in nature, liked to play nightly,
flames came from her hair, fire from her eyes.
wanting all ways to go that extra mile.
The Dom she found sent a shiver to her soul, his touch
ignited within her, ignited the coals.
Her heat warmed her body, willing to give her all
for she became his that cold sunday morn.
They played hard those days, he had brought a friend,
Her mind went to a place that she wanted not to end.
battered and bruised she was left on the bed,
confusion and turmoil cascaded through her head,
left in her peak, crying out loud, her soul could not
fathom,
to fend for herself the guilt filled her heart,
she had done something wrong, though her all she gave.
She died that day at the end of a cord,
her purpose she had failed, she could no longer live anymore.
A soft word, cool drink, to be held and caressed,
To be told well done, well done little one,
three simple words, a little time spent, in her heart
she would of known her existence well spent.
Her name was Cloe, 21/1/1980-26/10/2007......She fell into the hands of
an untrained Dom. The word aftercare meant nothing to him. The note she
left told of her disgust and pain within for she thought that she had
failed to please.
Indo
This is a post that floated around the Internet. I cannot verify the validity of it or not in terms of whether this actually occurred. However, it does point to the fact of how important safety is in the BDSM community. Many seem to overlook this simple fact when they approach their scenes. This story emphasizes how tragedy can be the result when proper precautions are not undertaken.
Inexperience is not a valid reason for not knowing. It is the responsibility for anyone in a dominant role to educate him or herself about this way of life. This is where the online pretenders can cause great havoc. They believe that reading a few posts and parroting that will make them an expert. Sadly, the leap from online to real time is huge. People do not understand how little online has to do with reality. Those who make the transition without knowledge are dangerous. Too often we see the results mentioned above.
If you are dealing with someone who you are unsure of, thoroughly question him or her to the experience he or she has. This is your life so you have a right to know. And, do not fall for the line "I am a Master so you have no right to ask that". Horsecrap. You have every right to know who you are dealing with. If that person will not reveal it, move on.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 20, 2010
The Way You Carry Yourself
,
Many believe that dominating another consists of barking out orders to a submissive type and expecting they be followed. While that is an obvious aspect of things, being a dominant person requires a great deal more than that. Some of what I am going to discuss is going to separate the pretenders from the crowd.
Like I always mention, common sense goes a long way towards clarifying the issue. To start, a Dom will carry himself (or herself) in a certain way. There is a lot to be said about how one carries him or herself. Typically, a person's confidence and strength shines through in the demeanor that is maintained.
How are you carrying yourself? Do you approach situations like you are leery and unsure? Do you have the confidence in yourself and your abilities to weather any situation? Being in control of another person is a great responsibility; do you have the muster to live up to this? These are all questions that can be learned from simply looking at how one carries him or herself.
Pretenders get demanding. They need to be boisterous so as to have an impact. However, they fail to realize there is a much greater impact in the quiet approach. Those who are truly confident do not have to promote their power. It ultimately shines through in their actions.
We can see the same attitude online. There are so many "Masters" I come across who are anxious to exert their "power". They are all too willing to tell you they are Masters and are to be respected. Of course, anyone with have a brain knows that respect is earned and not freely given.
Online, I rarely tell anyone what I am unless they specifically ask. Usually, the information is provided in a profile anyway so if one wants to know, he or she can check out my profile in that group. I do not need to hear myself say I am a Master to try to reaffirm it. It is all part of how I choose to carry myself online.
Being a Dom/Master is not an easy course to hoe. There are many instances where issues arise which are completely your responsibility. Even if you didn't create them, the dominant person needs to straighten it out. Few are able to do this. Most have issues planning a vacation let alone being responsible for the direction of another person's life. Being in control is something that should not be taken lightly.
In closing, anyone who is considering this way of life needs to understand that being a Dom/Master is more than just having a sex toy. There is a great deal of effort required for success. Even under the best of conditions, most BDSM relationships fail (not unlike society in general). Relationships are work. However, if you believe that you are going to come in and just bark orders while walking around like a pansy, the chances of failure just increased substantially. Knowledge and effort are necessary.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
Like I always mention, common sense goes a long way towards clarifying the issue. To start, a Dom will carry himself (or herself) in a certain way. There is a lot to be said about how one carries him or herself. Typically, a person's confidence and strength shines through in the demeanor that is maintained.
How are you carrying yourself? Do you approach situations like you are leery and unsure? Do you have the confidence in yourself and your abilities to weather any situation? Being in control of another person is a great responsibility; do you have the muster to live up to this? These are all questions that can be learned from simply looking at how one carries him or herself.
Pretenders get demanding. They need to be boisterous so as to have an impact. However, they fail to realize there is a much greater impact in the quiet approach. Those who are truly confident do not have to promote their power. It ultimately shines through in their actions.
We can see the same attitude online. There are so many "Masters" I come across who are anxious to exert their "power". They are all too willing to tell you they are Masters and are to be respected. Of course, anyone with have a brain knows that respect is earned and not freely given.
Online, I rarely tell anyone what I am unless they specifically ask. Usually, the information is provided in a profile anyway so if one wants to know, he or she can check out my profile in that group. I do not need to hear myself say I am a Master to try to reaffirm it. It is all part of how I choose to carry myself online.
Being a Dom/Master is not an easy course to hoe. There are many instances where issues arise which are completely your responsibility. Even if you didn't create them, the dominant person needs to straighten it out. Few are able to do this. Most have issues planning a vacation let alone being responsible for the direction of another person's life. Being in control is something that should not be taken lightly.
In closing, anyone who is considering this way of life needs to understand that being a Dom/Master is more than just having a sex toy. There is a great deal of effort required for success. Even under the best of conditions, most BDSM relationships fail (not unlike society in general). Relationships are work. However, if you believe that you are going to come in and just bark orders while walking around like a pansy, the chances of failure just increased substantially. Knowledge and effort are necessary.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 19, 2010
Fetishes
,
Many consider BDSM to be a fetish. This is not the case. BDSM is a lifestyle genre which can include many different fetishes. People get involved in many different ways while going to varied extremes. Overall, it is a flexible way of life that allows for the involvement of most anyone.
This brings up the question, where do fetishes fit in? My experience is that there are many interests among members of this lifestyle. Certainly, there are a number of common areas. However, there are equally just as many differences. This is one of the things that makes BDSM so interesting.
I often write that "there is no one size fits all" approach to this way of life. You will meet people who are involved in almost anything the mind can imagine. Some are extreme in their practices while others are tempered. This makes for a unique interaction.
When you meet someone with a particular fetish, remember that it is a personal choice and not reflective of the entire lifestyle. There are times when you will match up with someone (or some people) with the exception being one or two kinks. Do not allow this to ruin your chances at interaction. Some like things that might be off the beaten path.
Spanking and bondage seem to be fetishes that are fairly common among all of us. Nevertheless, when it comes to kink, the paths can get wide and sorted. Many are into watersports or scat. Others have foot or stocking fetishes. Still others like electrical or needle play. Whatever your particular flavor, it is possible to find it within the BDSM community.
Choosing the BDSM way of life is not a choice that limits you. Instead, it is my experience that it is the path to freedom. If you want your dreams to come true, this might be the avenue for you.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
This brings up the question, where do fetishes fit in? My experience is that there are many interests among members of this lifestyle. Certainly, there are a number of common areas. However, there are equally just as many differences. This is one of the things that makes BDSM so interesting.
I often write that "there is no one size fits all" approach to this way of life. You will meet people who are involved in almost anything the mind can imagine. Some are extreme in their practices while others are tempered. This makes for a unique interaction.
When you meet someone with a particular fetish, remember that it is a personal choice and not reflective of the entire lifestyle. There are times when you will match up with someone (or some people) with the exception being one or two kinks. Do not allow this to ruin your chances at interaction. Some like things that might be off the beaten path.
Spanking and bondage seem to be fetishes that are fairly common among all of us. Nevertheless, when it comes to kink, the paths can get wide and sorted. Many are into watersports or scat. Others have foot or stocking fetishes. Still others like electrical or needle play. Whatever your particular flavor, it is possible to find it within the BDSM community.
Choosing the BDSM way of life is not a choice that limits you. Instead, it is my experience that it is the path to freedom. If you want your dreams to come true, this might be the avenue for you.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
January 17, 2010
Contrarian View
,
A contrarian view is one that goes against what is commonly thought as to the truth. We see this cited most often in the field of investing. Contrarians are those who invest from a viewpoint that goes against the common belief of which way the market is moving. Many times they are the big winners because they divorce themselves from the blind euphoria that many get caught in.
The BDSM world has many of the same viewpoints. Society tells us what is "normal" and what we must do to be happy. It lays out a path for us which is destined to bring about a life beyond our dreams (so we are told). However, many of us find that the facts that were presented to us were incorrect. After following their dogmas and tenets, we find ourselves alone, divorced, depressed, and broke in all facets of the word. The path that we were sold on turned into a lemon.
BDSM offers us another way of life. Even though it has moved from the deep underground because of the Internet, it is still considered an "alternative lifestyle". We are still different from the norm. Therefore, society, and it members, have a way of using terminology and insults to categorize us. This is done in an effort to degrade and demean. Their barbs are hurled as if they were factual.
The most basic tenet of this lifestyle is the exchange of power. For a BDSM relationship to be successful, there needs to be a person who is submissive. This is one of the ideas which goes against mainstream society. To it, submissiveness is a sign of weakness. This is where the contrarian view enters. One who is submissive is not weak but, rather, following an internal calling that is ingrained with him or her. To me, this is strength over weakness. People who are willing to look at themselves and follow their natural desires are stronger than the average person. Most fail to do this.
Many alternative philosophies warn about having the "herd mentality". Those who blindly follow what they are told are those who end up slaves. BDSM is all about freedom. Even though bondage is a central technique we employ, we value freedom above all else. A slave is freer than the norm because of the simple fact that he or she decided to follow his or her own path. In my opinion, those who are blindly following the dogma that was established for them is weakness. These are the true slaves.
BDSM is a complicated and diverse lifestyle. There are many layers which are to be explored. The limits exist only in your mind. This is a path that allows you to go as far as you would like. Of course, it does not appear to be such at first glance. Trust me when I tell you that what appears on the surface is not necessarily so. Further research will be required. There are many areas where a contrarian view of the facts is more accurate.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
The BDSM world has many of the same viewpoints. Society tells us what is "normal" and what we must do to be happy. It lays out a path for us which is destined to bring about a life beyond our dreams (so we are told). However, many of us find that the facts that were presented to us were incorrect. After following their dogmas and tenets, we find ourselves alone, divorced, depressed, and broke in all facets of the word. The path that we were sold on turned into a lemon.
BDSM offers us another way of life. Even though it has moved from the deep underground because of the Internet, it is still considered an "alternative lifestyle". We are still different from the norm. Therefore, society, and it members, have a way of using terminology and insults to categorize us. This is done in an effort to degrade and demean. Their barbs are hurled as if they were factual.
The most basic tenet of this lifestyle is the exchange of power. For a BDSM relationship to be successful, there needs to be a person who is submissive. This is one of the ideas which goes against mainstream society. To it, submissiveness is a sign of weakness. This is where the contrarian view enters. One who is submissive is not weak but, rather, following an internal calling that is ingrained with him or her. To me, this is strength over weakness. People who are willing to look at themselves and follow their natural desires are stronger than the average person. Most fail to do this.
Many alternative philosophies warn about having the "herd mentality". Those who blindly follow what they are told are those who end up slaves. BDSM is all about freedom. Even though bondage is a central technique we employ, we value freedom above all else. A slave is freer than the norm because of the simple fact that he or she decided to follow his or her own path. In my opinion, those who are blindly following the dogma that was established for them is weakness. These are the true slaves.
BDSM is a complicated and diverse lifestyle. There are many layers which are to be explored. The limits exist only in your mind. This is a path that allows you to go as far as you would like. Of course, it does not appear to be such at first glance. Trust me when I tell you that what appears on the surface is not necessarily so. Further research will be required. There are many areas where a contrarian view of the facts is more accurate.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.
Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.
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