Role Playing In BDSM

The subject of role playing is something that is a touchy subject among many within the BDSM community. There are some who are true believers that people are to "live" this lifestyle. Therefore, they feel that there is no place for people who want to pretend.

I am not one who is in this particular camp. While I do "live" this way of life, I also understand how BDSM is flexible. It can be contoured to meet the needs of many regardless of how involved they make it. This includes those who want to engage in role playing exercises as a means of sprucing up the sex life.

Role playing is a way that many people enhance their interaction. Most times it is a bit of harmless fun designed to fulfill some desires. Interestingly, it is just as common in the traditional world as it is in BDSM. Many couples assume roles during sex. We all have heard of the doctor/nurse, boss/secretary, and officer/prisoner fantasies.

The BDSM community takes things a little bit further. We take the officer/prisoner fantasy and accessorize it with actual handcuffs, cages, and whips. Also, the rights granted under the Geneva convention are not applied to our prisoners. Punishments are harsh and severe. The roles played are used to satisfy the S&M side of these individuals.

I must state that not everyone who engages in role playing goes to the extreme. Some merely use the domination/submission as a means of sexual enhancement. In my mind, these people are truly involved in BDSM. While they might not live the D/s lifestyle, they have crossed the line outside the vanilla. The fact that they re-enter after orgasm is not important to me.

Role playing is also a way for people to "get their feet wet". Few can enter with the idea of instantly moving into a 24/7 M/s relationship. There is a period of adjustment for one who is learning about this lifestyle. I am one who knows how different we are from the traditional world. It often takes time for people to recondition themselves as to what they want. Society promotes only the heterosexual vanilla idea. We offer something that is more diverse. Early on, we encounter concepts that require an adjustment of thinking. Role playing allows one to open his or her mind in stages.

The next time you hear someone spouting off how role playing is not true BDSM, ask that person to explain exactly what that means. To me, anyone who enters into our activities, regardless of the depth he or she goes to, is involved with us. It is best if we start living with the idea of inclusion as opposed to exclusion. Failing to do so makes us just like those we rail against.

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Real Versus Role Play

How much in the BDSM world is real versus that which is role play? The answer to this question resides in the two people who are involved in the relationship. It is up to them to determine what the boundaries of their relationship are. Like I continue to mention, there is not a "one size, fits all" model to follow. BDSM offers the flexibility to create whatever it is that you desire.

The other day I wrote about the use of professionals. When engaging in this behavior, one is most likely acting out a particular fantasy. Depending on what it is, there can be an assumption of roles during the scene. Many like to create entire scenarios surrounding the scene. This is a wonderful way to explore one's desires.

People who are involved in more committed relationships also can implement role playing into their interactions. Some like to live out the "bad little girl idea","teacher-student", or "pet play". All of these can occur during a casual interaction or within the confines of a deeper relationship. It depends upon what the parties are interested in. That is why I always suggest that people experiment to see what they like. BDSM is a fascinating world open to anyone who wants to try it.

Many seem to feel this is common sense. However, there are lots of new people who seem to ignore common sense when it comes to BDSM. For whatever reason, they act in ways that defy logic. I see too many put themselves in potentially dangerous situations which would never occur if they were pursuing a traditional relationship. It seems they think things are different because this is BDSM. Many of the same interpersonal skills used in other walks of life apply here. The BDSM relationship is still a relationship.

To me, role play is real. Some choose to live this way of life 24/7. That is their privilege. Others elect to only implement BDSM in the bedroom. Another fine way to approach it. Playing Master/slave during a scene has the same effect during that time as being a real slave. The lashes are equally real. Certainly, I am not claiming this person is a slave because of a role assumed. However, this person is engaged in BDSM even if for only a short period of time.

Mindset is a crucial component in all of life. Approaching BDSM with the proper outlook is crucial to having an enjoyable experience. Too many believe there is only one method to this way of life. Some of the experienced people like to degrade the way others choose to live. That is garbage. This is the attitude that turns people away from this lifestyle. BDSM is about living one's life in a manner pleasing to that person. However one chooses to go about it, as long as it is safe, is wonderful. Let the opinions of others be damned.