Society Is Uptight

This post comes from the perspective of an American. I know the views differ around the world. However, the overall consensus is that we are still extremely uptight about sex. This outlook carries over into any type of 'alternative' lifestyle. Anything that is different from the sexual norm is considered taboo.

Sexual Immaturity

I use the term immaturity because that is exactly how I view the perspective that society maintains. Overall, it is sage to say that we operate under a Judeo-Christian mindset. The religious institutions still maintain a great deal of power. Their influence extends into the bedroom with so many suffering from extreme guilt. Religions throughout the ages used sex to control the behaviors of the minions who are following. Consider this: if you can control what someone does in the privacy of their own homes, that is power. And these institutions exert tremendous power.

Few ever take the time to consider what they believe. They are 'Kool-Aid' drinkers to to the nth degree. The Pastor stated it so it must be true. That is their outlook. Religions historically engaged in extreme brainwashing starting at a young age. Hell, if we did that with BDSM and started indoctrinating children at the age of 5 or 6, we would be thrown in jail. But add in a religious element to change things completely.

Now, the point here is not to hammer religion which I could do for hours. My emphasis is to show how people are intolerant of anything outside their belief system. Sexual freedom is not something these people are high on. In fact, they are not lovers of freedom at all. Dogma is meant to do one thing: control. It is the most effective weapon on those who forgo their ability to think.

The bottom line is that sex has gotten a bad rap. It is amazing that something that is so pleasurable and necessary for the survival of the species was turned into an act that contains so much guilt. We see this in all aspects of society. Pornography is stigmatized and 'the work of the devil'. Nudity is considered taboo with people having to fight in court to be able to breast-feed in public (what is sicker than a society that will not allow a woman to feed an infant when needed?). Overall, people want to approach sex like it is a dirty family secret. Everyone knows it is there but few acknowledge it openly.

This outlook reminds me of the young teenager who gets his hands on his first 'girly' magazine. The immaturity level is astounding. To ignore something that is a basis of our life while turning it into a taboo is asinine. But that is exactly how society views it in general. Some are more open minded then others but, overall, vanilla monogamous sexual interludes within the confines of a committed relationship is what is expected. Anything outside of that norm is deviant and perverted.

BDSM

BDSM certainly falls into the category according to societal outlook. Those who enter this life with the urge to tell all about his/her decision quickly realize that open-mindedness is not a strong point of most people. I have seen many who had their families and friends turn away from them simply because of their choice to structure a relationship in a manner which differed from the norm. So much for that thing called 'unconditional love'.

I believe BDSM is a path that many find so as to be true to oneself. Society still believes in the myth of equality. However, many traveled that route only to find it lacking. Many of us do not want to live in a split power relationship. Whether one is submissive or dominant, I find that most 'true lifestyler' are simply being true to themselves. Their decisions are based upon what is correct for their cores. They do not develop this aspect of themselves but, rather, uncover it.

Nevertheless, once again, we see society telling us to go against what is natural. We are told that pursuing those feelings is wrong because to engage in that activity is a 'sin'. So people have a neurotic outlook regarding sex. At the same time, we are taught that there is one path to relationship happiness and that is the traditional one man and one woman. Forget everything outside of that. Homosexuality, bisexuality, and polyamorous relationships are all out. So, too is anything that deals with whips, chains, and paddles. This is not considered normal.

In conclusion, society is uptight about matters pertaining to sex. Remember this the next time you have the urge to tell someone of your alternative lifestyle. They will not be as accepting as you might think. Power exchange is not something that most are taught. Of course, and this is a final swipe at the world religions, what other organization has historically been as sexually biased towards woman and implemented a more rigid power breakdown? Hypocrisy is the word that comes to mind. But, again, that is a different subject altogether.

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Freedom is at the Core

To me, BDSM means freedom. This might seem strange in a lifestyle that has bondage and slavery as components to it. However, this particular way of life, for those who choose it, is freedom. It is a conscious choice that someone made to live life a particular way. That is what freedom is all about.

I write often about the social conditioning that we are all subject to. Starting at an early age, we are all programmed how to think about certain thinks. In the Western culture, we are taught that a 'relationship' should be made up of a man and a woman who are loyal to each other. Sex is sacred meaning that it is shared only between those who are in 'love'. Anything outside these bounds is considered immoral.

We hear this dogma taught everywhere we turn. Those who learn the lesson well will go through life believing these ideas are the path to happiness. Now, in the quest to be fair, this is the proper path for many. However, my belief is that the freedom is achieved as a result of the choice as opposed to the end result.

BDSM is all about freedom. In fact, the case can be made that any alternative lifestyle is an exercise in freedom. Anything that goes against the norm typically requires a conscious choice. It takes courage in many instances since ridicule and being ostracized is often the result. Nevertheless, one who consciously chooses is freeing his or her mind from the prevailing conditioning.

Few ever look at their belief system. Instead, they blindly obey whatever is served up to them. To me, this is insanity. The simple fact is that there is no way one particular model of living will be successful for everyone. In fact, I could argue that the present 'normal' model doesn't work for the majority with a divorce rate approaching 60%. In the end, we are all responsible for choosing what works for us.

Freedom is something I hold true. I desperately seek this in all areas of my life. Being contained in any manner is repulsive to me. Sadly, this is the state that I believe many live in without realizing it. Freedom is a lot more than works written on some old document. It is having the courage to choose my life however I see fit. Obviously, there are many who I might clash with. That is okay. People have the choice of accepting me and the options I select or removing themselves from my life. Many choose the later. Being true to myself is sometimes a rough road to navigate.

BDSM offers the options that I sought out for so many years. Because it is such a wide and versatile way of life, there is something appealing for most people. One can opt for the light end of things such as spankings, bondage, and other sexual activities or a person can select the more extreme like M/s or full body suspension. Whatever someone's taste, we have a flavor for you. Your responsibility lies in determining your own preferences. The choice is yours but you are the one who must exercise it.

If you truly believe that you want freedom in your life, I would suggest that you begin by looking at the ideas that you 'default?' to in your mind. What is your idea of an ideal relationship? How is it structured? What does it look like? Begin to look outside the norm of society. Your happiness might just be found on the fringe. I know mine was.

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