Contracts

I read many posts in my travels dealing with contracts for the BDSM lifestyle; specifically the M/s section. Many seem to feel this takes their experience in the lifestyle to another level. Unfortunately, they fail to think of the ramifications of what this means.

They say the best time to plan a divorce is on the honeymoon. This sounds insane but few ever consider what will happen when a relationship ends. Most believe that their present relationship will carry on forever. However, we all know, based upon the divorce statistics, that more than half end in divorce.

A written contract seems like a valid way to further enhance the M/s experience. Nevertheless, it is something that I recommend against. It is crucial to think of how things can turn out if they do go awry.

To start, it is illegal in the United States and Europe to "enslave" someone. We live a life that is consensual in nature. It is impossible to bind someone into something that is illegal to begin with. Therefore, a contract means nothing in that regard.

On the flip side, this contract could be entered into court as evidence of abuse. In fact, there are a number of cases which this is what happened. A couple ended up in divorce court and the "Contract" was entered as evidence against the husband. Needless to say the court was not understanding about the lifestyle. I cannot say for certain, but I am sure that the authorities might take a further look to see if charges are warranted. Neither of these situations is endearing.

The submission that exists in this lifestyle is consensual. We operate a life within the spirit of our actions. There is nothing legally binding about the way we live. Anyone is free to leave at anytime. Slavery is illegal. Period. However, there is a certain spirit that we live by. Those who break it, in my mind, are not worthy of being in this way of life. We have an agreed upon structure and expect those involved to maintain it.

Therefore, no contract is required. My opinion is nothing good can come from writing anything down. Even if things seem rosy now, consider what will happen if a hotshot divorce attorney gets hold of that. You will be raked over the coals. The upside of a contract is limited and the downside infinite.

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Contracts

Contracts seem to be a topic of discussion periodically in the M/s world. There are even instances where I saw contracts used in the D/s relationship. On the surface, this seems like a valid way to enhance the commitment of a sub/slave. In reality, it is something totally different.

In my book, An Owned Life, I made reference to the use of contracts. Here in the United States, we occasionally see these documents come to light. And they rarely have good results.

To start, the owning of another person, according to statutes, is illegal. Slavery in any form is forbidden. A legal contract is only providing evidence that you are engaging in something that is against the law.

We who are in the lifestyle know that submission of one is consensual. In both the M/s and D/s relationships, there are certain parameters set up which both parties agree to. This is not forced "ownership" like the traditional image of slavery.

Also, the central premise of our way of life is the exchange of power. This is something that is agreed upon by the nature of the relationship. The Dom/Master is in control. All power is ceded over to that person. It is the foundation of how the relationship is structured. This is no different than a traditional relationship where one person is totally dominating. All power rests with one person.

Contracts only serve to create issues if something goes wrong in the future. Marriage was involved in the cases I saw come to light. In these instances, the sub/slave's divorce attorney introduced the document into evidence to prove damages. While the relationship was consensual, the court did not look at it that way. Each time, negative things happened.

I was once told to create a relationship with the end in mind. It is easy to make decisions when you are in love or when something is new. Everything is exciting and fresh then. When relationships fall apart, there are hurt feelings and strong emotions. Legal documentation only can come back and haunt you.

The M/s (and D/s) relationship is a structure that exists without formal paperwork. Just like some choose to take their vows in front of their Higher Being without getting formally married, so too do we design a relationship that works for us. There is no need to have something written on paper. If you see someone promoting this idea on a forum or blog, refer them to this article. It is a stupid idea without an upside.

Besides, a piece of paper is not going to truly increase your power. A Dom/MAster's power is not derived from a contract. It exists because of the manner in which he (or she) conducts each day. A sub will continue to submit when that person is being controlled in a way that works. A contract will not offset a lack of ability.

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