Being True To Your One

Many talk about living in this lifestyle and being obedient to their Doms/Masters. Sadly, for many, this is all talk. It seems, judging by the chat on different sites, that reality is something completely different. This idea is in keeping with my other observation that few are truly cut out to be in this way of life.

M/s is an extreme part of the BDSM world. It is not suited for everyone. Unfortunately, many seem to think they are ideal for this since there is the desire to "submit" to another. This is a fallacy. M/s requires a submission that is beyond the comprehension of most people.

To be successful in this way of life, one must be true to her(his) Master(Mistress). This means the submissive individual is willing to completely ignore his/her desires for the sake of the one that was submitted to. Again, many will claim this but encounter difficulty when faced with it in real time. Reality rarely reflects the online fantasy.

The online world has a way of glorifying the BDSM lifestyle. Based upon the images conveyed, many believe that BDSM is nothing more than a 24/7 sexfest with complete service to one's Master. There is the belief that life suddenly will be fulfilled with one as the total focus of Master. Again, this is a scene played out daily online. However, reality plays a different tune.

For starters, few are in a financial position to dedicate exclusive focus upon a slave. People need to earn a living and that requires a grand amount of our time. Plus, it usually is the slave who is responsible for complete focus on the Master, not the other way around. He is the one who owns her. It was she who submitted to him.

Being true to your one means maintaining that focus without exception. What is it that a slave wants? Ideally, she will want her Master to be happy. Anything that enhances his happiness is what she should desire. Of course, there are times when this might go against her personal wishes. Masters can be temperamental beings. We desire many different things and chose a life where we can fulfill those wishes. A slave who thinks it is her place to deny that to him is mistaken in her role. She exists in the relationship to enhance, not take away from.

An example is when a Master wants to take another on. This could be either temporary or permanent (relax few things in life are permanent). The bottom line is that he has an interest in being/playing with another. That is his choice as a Master. A slave's place is to be supportive of his decisions regardless of what that means to her. Naturally, it most often reduces the focus on her with the other person garnering it. This is a difficult proposition to handle.

A slave who is true to her Master understands the parameters of the lifestyle and what "total power exchange" means. She is not in control. In the aforementioned example, I have seen many who want to dictate the terms of his choice. Again, this shows how one is not really into giving complete control away. She is trying to manipulate the situation to please her. This is not being supportive in my opinion.

All terms and parameters are established by the Master. That is the nature of the M/s lifestyle. Of course, this is a rather rigid way to live. That is why it is at the extreme end of the BDSM scale. Many are better suited for the D/s way of life. This allows them the freedom associated with submitting while maintaining control in those areas that he or she wishes. Being true to your one means being able to following all mandates regardless of your personal desires. From my observations online, this is something only a select few can ever hope to accomplish.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.

The Reality of LIfe

Many engage in online for fun and fantasy fulfillment. Moving to real time can also be exciting and highly rewarding. However, it is crucial to remember that BDSM does not exempt us from life. We are part of the real world and that is something that is important to keep in mind.

Recently, I experienced some setbacks. These issues are nothing different than millions of households across the country are facing. However, I bring this up to emphasize that being a Master in the BDSM world does not exempt me from any of these "life issues". All the power I have as a Dom is useless in dealing with certain situations. I am just as powerless as anyone else.

The reality is that BDSM will not solve all of life's problems. I see so many who are catastrophic failures who run to this lifestyle because they believe they will be absolved of dealing with the different circumstances that arise. This is sad because it is just another way to try and shun responsibilities that were never met. Instead of blaming an ex, one can blame a sub or dom, master or slave. Either way, the issues are avoided.

Family, work, financial, relationship; these are all areas that problems arise in. None of us are exempt. It is disheartening to see the "polyanna" mindset that some carry with them into this way of life. We live in a lifestyle with the key word being "life".

Now, I will not burden you with the details of what happened. However, I write these words to forewarn people (especially newer ones) to the reality of life. Do not get caught up in the "honeymoon" of your new lifestyle. It only takes illness faced; one job lost; one family disagreement; one pushy bill collector to snap you back to reality. Many of us live in 24/7 relationships yet we still are living. BDSM is not a way to absolve oneself from the realities of life. If you believe it will, I hate to mention that you might be setting yourself up for failure.

Reality is a tough nut to face. The appeal for many online, in my opinion, is that it allows them to escape reality. When engaging in activities online, one is able to assume any persona he or she wishes. If one does not like how things are going, change is as easy as a new profile in another chatroom. There are no lasting ties to anything in the arena.

We all have problems. The idea is to confront, overcome, and move on. Rarely do things go exactly how we imagine them. Life often throws us a curve ball. However, we will never enjoy the true freedom this lifestyle offers if we simply put our heads in the sand and pretend things do not exist. That is not what emotionally stable and mature people do. Being in touch with reality is even more important in a lifestyle that has so many misleading images associated with it. It is easy to get caught up in the fantasy. Please do not do this.
Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.

The Way You Carry Yourself

Many believe that dominating another consists of barking out orders to a submissive type and expecting they be followed. While that is an obvious aspect of things, being a dominant person requires a great deal more than that. Some of what I am going to discuss is going to separate the pretenders from the crowd.

Like I always mention, common sense goes a long way towards clarifying the issue. To start, a Dom will carry himself (or herself) in a certain way. There is a lot to be said about how one carries him or herself. Typically, a person's confidence and strength shines through in the demeanor that is maintained.

How are you carrying yourself? Do you approach situations like you are leery and unsure? Do you have the confidence in yourself and your abilities to weather any situation? Being in control of another person is a great responsibility; do you have the muster to live up to this? These are all questions that can be learned from simply looking at how one carries him or herself.

Pretenders get demanding. They need to be boisterous so as to have an impact. However, they fail to realize there is a much greater impact in the quiet approach. Those who are truly confident do not have to promote their power. It ultimately shines through in their actions.

We can see the same attitude online. There are so many "Masters" I come across who are anxious to exert their "power". They are all too willing to tell you they are Masters and are to be respected. Of course, anyone with have a brain knows that respect is earned and not freely given.

Online, I rarely tell anyone what I am unless they specifically ask. Usually, the information is provided in a profile anyway so if one wants to know, he or she can check out my profile in that group. I do not need to hear myself say I am a Master to try to reaffirm it. It is all part of how I choose to carry myself online.

Being a Dom/Master is not an easy course to hoe. There are many instances where issues arise which are completely your responsibility. Even if you didn't create them, the dominant person needs to straighten it out. Few are able to do this. Most have issues planning a vacation let alone being responsible for the direction of another person's life. Being in control is something that should not be taken lightly.

In closing, anyone who is considering this way of life needs to understand that being a Dom/Master is more than just having a sex toy. There is a great deal of effort required for success. Even under the best of conditions, most BDSM relationships fail (not unlike society in general). Relationships are work. However, if you believe that you are going to come in and just bark orders while walking around like a pansy, the chances of failure just increased substantially. Knowledge and effort are necessary.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.

Click here Be sure to check out our new FREE social networking site An Owned Life Community.

Give Yourself The Freedom

In my book, An Owned Life, I wrote about the 3 Step Submission Process. Many seem to think that finding a Dom/Master to submit to is the most important part of this process. They believe that the person that is chosen will determine the success or failure of the M/s relationship. Unfortunately for them, this is completely false.

Before anyone is capable of submitting, or dominating for that matter, a great deal of internal work is first necessary. We all live in a world where we are conditioned by society to believe certain things. It is impossible for any of us to escape this reality. We have parents, religious entities, and the media all promoting certain belief systems. By the time we are in our teens, this conditioning is deeply ingrained in us.

One of the major precepts we are taught is equality among the sexes. Gender equality is one of the dominating issues over the last 40 years. While this is a good move from a societal standpoint, it is something that doesnt ring true for many individuals. There are a great number of people who prefer to celebrate the gender differences.

In the D/s or M/s relationship, we see how the power is split in an uneven fashion. Many times this will fall among the traditional sex lines. However, with all the Mistresses and male subs out there, we see that domination can be natural for a female also. The bottom line is that a relationship that goes against equality is at odds with society in general.

The reason I bring all this up is to make you aware of the fact that you will have to seriously consider breaking free from your old thinking. That is the most important part of the submission process. We need to internally investigate what we believe is true for us. This takes courage. Many prefer to simply follow the path laid out for them by society. Sadly, this often ends in misery.

It takes strength to give yourself the freedom to accept the way that you want to live. We often are going to suffer rejection at the hands of those closest to us. Society is a mechanism which promotes captivity. Everyone is trying to put people in a little box where they can be manipulated. We claim to be free but few really are.

Go to school, get an education, get a job, meet someone nice (of the opposite sex), get married, have kids, live happily ever after. This is the mantra we are often taught. Following this path will lead to success and happiness is what we are told. As we all know, this is a lie. The majority of the population suffers from depression of some sort. They live in captivity.

Today, I implore you to stop doing this yourself. If you are remotely interested in this way of life, approach it with an open-mind. Resist the temptation to judge since you will be implementing old beliefs. Society frowns upon how we live. That is a given. Accept that your entry into this will put you at odds with most you know. Few care enough to take the time to understand what we are involved in. Thus, we resist even mentioning to them what we do.

The BDSM world is a wonderful way to live for those who are right for it. Many who went through this process found the happiness that was lost in traditional relationships. They were able to give themselves the freedom to choose how they want to live. For us, this is how we were meant to be. Give yourself the same chance.

Click here for your version of An Owned Life.