The Nastiness of BDSM

Of late I am giving a lot of thought to the state of the BDSM community in general.  Sadly, I adopted an outlook which is not too promising about where we are going.  The things that I am witnessing are of great concern to me.  Ergo, I am at a crossroads.  Do I remain a focal figure in the fight to change things or move on with my life enjoying this lifestyle on a personal level?  This is something that we are all confronted with at different times.  Hence, I decided to concentrate my efforts on making a difference.  There is a lot to do and 2013 is when I am going to start it.

Nastiness

The BDSM community is a nasty place.  On a personal level, part of my kink is that I enjoy those who are totally nasty.  However, this is not the type of behavior I am referring to.  Instead, we see so many who feel the need to be mean to others and degrade them in an effort to lift themselves up.  The tonality which people communicate is completely unacceptable.  People are so intent on proving themselves right that they do not consider the views of others.  Ultimately, there is a "my way or the highway" approach. 

Many seem to justify this by proclaiming the world is a nasty place.  I will agree that society in general has taken on this view.  People, today, lack the friendliness and compassion that existed in years past.  The "Good Samaritan" story is a complete work of fiction in this day and age.  People will step around someone having a heart attack on the street with nary a thought of that person. Violence is on the rise in most places with human beings doing the most horrific things to each other.  So the outlook many point to is absolutely accurate.

However, does that mean that the BDSM community should reflect what is going on around us?  We are all aware of what it is like to be ostracized by society.  The fact that we live an "alternative" lifestyle means that we are different from them (at least in their eyes).  People involved in this way of life made a conscious choice to live differently.  We are not normal according to the standards erected by others.  In their view, we are not up to their standards.  Unfortunately, it is my view that the BDSM community lives exactly up to society's standards and all the nastiness that goes along with it.

Character

Character is something that is rarely talked about in the "normal" world.  Money, success, power, achievement, and the McMansion are all qualities that one is suppose to strive for.  The idea of living according to well defined principles is foreign to most.  Character, the quality of person that you are, is paramount if we, as a community, are going to reverse course.

Fear is a powerful weapon.  It is something that humans are now conditioned to buy into.  Originally provided by nature as an ally in the fight or flight scenarios, fear took on a new meaning.  Now, instead of arising in those life threatening situations, it manifests itself in hundreds of different ways.  This is a driving force in our lifestyle.

Ego operates at so many different levels.  Even those who suffer extreme inferiority complexes behave from ego.  The need to be right is a prime example.  When one's identity is tied to the thoughts and impressions of others, this is going to cause one to be confrontational when one is questioned.  Few have the ability to allow others to maintain their point of view.  Instead, the fear of looking "less than" causes one to attack.  This is not a harmonious approach on any level.

The same is true for the "my way or highway" approach to BDSM.  Reality is that people are free to choose how they opt to live their lives.  BDSM is an extension of that ideal.  Part of the process that all must undergo when entering the lifestyle is to determine where he or she fits.  In other words, what do you like?  There is no cookie cutter approach. Some prefer high protocol while others want something less structured.  Gorean works for some while others detest the idea of structuring life based upon a Sci-Fi novel.  Light bondage is the preference at times while others want TPE in all areas.  Regardless of where one decides to interact, the point is to exhibit character.

Over the next few weeks I am going to concentrate my writings on the areas that are important in this regard.  To change anything around us, we must first change ourselves.  Adhering to this principle, you will notice how personal focus is going to be the main theme.  If each person takes a responsible approach to his/her BDSM life, together, we can make a difference within the community at large.  However, it has to start with the person looking back at you in the mirror.

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