September 20, 2011

How Wide Is BDSM?


Newer people can often get very confused about what BDSM is and how one fits into the "lifestyle". As I often state on this blog, my feeling is that the porn industry has a lot to do with this. It present imagery that becomes the defacto mindset of what BDSM is. Sadly, this is not the case. Ultimately, what they are presenting is intended to sell videos. BDSM encompasses a great deal more than just whips and chains.

From Light To Extreme

The videos and pictures we see present from organizations such as kink.com exhibit the extreme side of the BDSM world. There are many who are involved in these activities and living happily in that manner. However, that does not mean that everyone is cut out to be engaged in extreme behavior. In fact, most, especially when new, should avoid that at all costs. It is crucial to remember the people creating those videos are trained professionals who know what they are doing and take measures to ensure safety at all times. Extreme play is not something that newer people should even consider. It is built up to over time.

But what about those who do not desire the extreme aspect of things? Often, I come across people who feel they are not suited for BDSM because of the imagery presented. What is ironic is many of them already engage in BDSM behavior.

Ask most people if they have spanked a lover or partner during sex and you will most likely get an affirmative. Take it a step further and probe to see how many of them also tied up another during their sex play. You will find that most have engage in these two behaviors in one form or another. This is BDSM.

So, as you can see, the umbrella of BDSM is wider than most think.

Acceptable Choices

It is vital that I mention that whatever choice one makes as long as it is in tune with the inner desires of that individual is perfectly acceptable. For whatever reason, the BDSM world (as is society in general) is full of people who believe that one must do things as they do. I cannot tell you the number of posts where people stated that others were "doing it wrong".

BDSM is a lifestyle choice that is encompassed in a larger thing called life. In this genre, there is no path that is right for everyone. Each of us is free to choose whatever makes us happy. Some prefer things on the lighter side while others insist on going deep with everything. There is no right way to live; only those choices which make us each individually happy.

Those who want to engage in some light bedroom bondage and leave their BDSM activities there are free to do that. And, their choice should not be condemned by others. It is amazing how many people feel that everyone in this way of life needs to live in M/s. The truth is that most are not cut out for this particular flavor. Trying to make them fit into this mode nets the same results as making a slave live vanilla. It simple does not work.

The sad part of all this is a newer person is left to feel as if he or she does not fit in because of this attitude. I often state that one way is not better than the other; just different. There are many who feel a sub is not as worthy as a slave. Others jest about the light bondage people like they are inferior. The fetish people are looked down upon by the "mainstream bdsm" crowd (now there is an oxymoron) for being weird and perverted. As we delve into the different factions, we see the irony behind their judgments.

In closing, remember that all choices are acceptable. Living as a slave is a fine option if one is capable of living in a TPE environment. At the same time, bedroom scenes, if that is what is desired, is a fine selection for many. One is free to limit or expand his/her BDSM practices. There is not a "one size fits all" program.

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